


Weaknesses

by Ohsoverysensible



Series: Dorian's Sweet Boy [7]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-08 10:25:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3205835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohsoverysensible/pseuds/Ohsoverysensible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If it didn't take long for rumours to start about Dorian and Alexander, it certainly didn't take long for them to be accepted as truths. Soon it was fairly common knowledge that Dorian Pavus had won the heart of the Inquisitor, and everyone always made it seem like Alex was Dorian's slave. Little did they know that, in all honesty, it was Dorian who doted on his love, and when things go wrong the entire Inquisition gets to see just how weak the great Tevinter mage really is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All of Your Business

Alex heard his chamber door open as if in a daze. He was so bent on getting everything settled that Dorian was halfway into the room before he looked up from his desk. "My my, you  _are_ quite dedicated," Dorian said as Alex cracked his neck. He'd been bent over letters and decrees and reports for hours. 

With a sigh, Alex put his quill down. "And here I thought I'd never have to write a political letter ever," he mused.

Dorian chuckled softly. "From one noble line to another I suppose," he said. 

"I wouldn't call the Inquisition nobility," Alex smirked.

"No?" wondered Dorian. "What will all the letter writing, planning, plotting, and searching for favour? I'd say they're quite similar in fact." Alexander laughed and Dorian gestured to the sofa. "Do you mind if I read a while here?" he asked. "The lighting is quite fine in your quarters, and the library has gotten crowded these days it seems."

Alexander nodded. "By all means," he said. "Though you don't need an excuse to be in the same room as me you know."

"Aw, look at how highly he thinks of himself," Dorian teased, sitting down on the sofa and sprawling out as he was inclined to do. He cracked open the book in his hand and sighed. "Besides," he added, "how could you complain about this gorgeous eye-candy you now have for your benefit." He gestured to himself without taking his eyes from his book.

Alexander laughed, trying to match Dorian's mocking tone, but it backfired slightly. In all honesty, Alex would have Dorian around him all the time if he could. In fact he almost did now; they may as well be attached at the hip. But as Alex went back to his writing and Dorian casually read across the room, Alex couldn't keep his eyes from darting up every now and then. More often than not he was looking at Dorian through his lashes, watching him turn the pages or scratch at his moustache in thought. 

It was times like these that Alexander quite enjoyed Dorian, just as a person. Never mind the mage part, never mind the Tevinter ties...forget it all. Alexander just liked Dorian for Dorian, and sometimes during all their hectic escapades it was hard to forget that they were both just people. Simple, ordinary, engrossed-in-each other- people.

"You'll never get your letters finished if you keep looking at me," Dorian said as Alex stared for a particularly long time. Dorian didn't even have to look up from his book to know Alex was gawking.

Alex chuckled. "Well you are rather distracting."

Dorian turned and smiled over his shoulder. "And why do you think I'm sitting with my back to you?" he said sweetly. "I'd never get any reading done if I faced your way."

Alex smiled. "Then why come here at all?"

"I told you," Dorian said. "I like your quarters."

Sighing, Alex smirked and went back to his work. Josephine would be desperate for these letters, and the sooner he sent them off the sooner he could relax. At least to some degree. Eventually Alexander got back into the flow of it all, letting himself actually get distracted by all the cordialities and social graces that went into letter writing. When he heard the sound of his chamber door open once again, he barely flinched.

"Inquisitor," Josephine said, coming up the stairs a little sheepishly. "Forgive the intrusion but I was hoping to get those...letters..." 

Dorian turned over his shoulder to see Josephine staring down at him with wide eyes and an open jaw. "Ambassador," he said sweetly, a little amused by her shock. His art of playing it cool only threw her off more.

Alexander was just finishing up his last little scribbles. "I have them here, they're almost ready, Josephine," he explained. He gave her a brief glance and saw that she had further reports in her hand, likely for him. "Ah, Cullen's recruits, hand them here please," he said, holding his hand aloft for her to deposit the papers.

But she stayed stock still, having an apparent staring contest with Dorian. He tilted his head at her and leaned an arm back over the sofa. "Archdemon got your tongue?" he joked.

"I uh..." Josephine seemed to think about that for a moment, but her gaze slowly shifted away from Dorian and to the floor.

"Josephine?" Alex prompted with his hand still out.

She looked at him and jumped. "Oh," she stammered, coming over with the papers and placing them in his palm. "Forgive me, Inquisitor. I...was distracted."

"Alexander get's distracted by me as well," Dorian said quietly, almost to himself. He went back to his book and Josephine turned to stare at him once again.

Alexander gave a crooked, half-displeased smirk. He folded up his letters elegantly and stacked them together. Holding them out to Josephine, he watched as she continued to stare at Dorian sitting on the sofa. Alex cleared his throat.

She turned. "Ah, thank you Inquisitor," she said casually, reaching for the letters and giving Alex a little bow. "I'll have them sent off immediately."

"Right, very good Josephine," Alex said with a smile.

As she walked away she cast one last glance at Dorian, who waved at her without looking away from his book. "Ta ta," he said.

When the door closed, Alexander chuckled. Dorian closed his book on his fingers. "Well that was amusing," Dorian said.

"I think she was absolutely astonished by your presence here," Alex smiled.

"And maybe a little disappointed that she didn't interrupt anything," Dorian winked.

Josephine was, from what Dorian and Alexander could tell, the first to really get the idea about them. True there had been multiple rumours, almost from the day Dorian arrived at Haven, but now that they were true...Somehow, the fact that Dorian and Alex had privately agreed upon a relationship suddenly meant that everyone knew it. Alex didn't suspect Josephine of gossip, though Dorian did, but there was also a very obvious change in the way they treated each other. They clearly spent more time together now, and Dorian was the first choice for every mission Alexander put together. More often than not, if one of them was missing, the other was sure to be as well.

And people started to notice. And when people notice an absence, they make up answers. And those answers just so happened to be true. Soon, everyone knew. And neither Dorian nor Alex really cared all that much. Besides, it was almost amusing to have everyone ask them questions about it. Alex was a bit better at avoiding confrontations about their relationship, what with being the Inquisitor and so highly respected. But Dorian got a good amount of questioning, and he perfected his responses. It was Alex's favourite thing to overhear just how Dorian really felt...

***

They made their way across a damp rocky hill, Alexander in the lead as usual, when behind him he overheard Cole and Dorian conversing easily. Dorian wasn't exactly one for Cole's mind reading, but he had nothing against the lad. True, Cole gave Dorian the hee-bee-gee-bees every now and then, but overall they seemed on good terms.

"You're happier now, Dorian," Alex heard Cole say.

Dorian chuckled lightly. "Is that what this light tingly feeling is? I suppose you're right!" he joked.

Alex could almost hear Cole's little smile. "Wishing and wondering, wounded and wistful...What if he doesn't want me after?"

Dorian was quiet a moment, and Alex wondered if he was glaring at Cole. But his voice, when he spoke at last, was gentle. "But he did," Dorian said quietly.

Cole actually chuckled. "Now you're smiling!" he said cheerfully. "It's good!"

***

"You're smiling a great deal these days, Dorian," Cassandra said to Dorian as they sat by the campfire. Alexander had turned in early, but he could hear them plain as day, and it made him smile as he lay in his little bed roll.

"I always smile," Dorian said nonchalantly. "People like my smile. And they should! I have excellent teeth."

Cassandra sighed. "Do you always do it while starting dreamily into the distance?" she challenged.

"Depends how long until dinner," Dorian replied.

"Ugh," groaned Cassandra, and from his tent Alexander was chuckling.

***

They sat in the tavern as the bard played, and Alexander had walked off to the bar to order another round. In the background it was plain to hear Sera immediately pick up the advantage. Leaning into Dorian, she nudged him. "You and the Inquisitor, hey?" she smirked. "What is that like? Jousting?"

"Fewer horses, marginally," Dorian stated matter-of-fact. "More cheering, definitely."

"Hah ha!" Sera chuckled. "Nice."

***

"I received a letter the other day, Dorian," Vivienne remarked, having climbed the spiral staircase to the library. She found Dorian sitting in his usual alcove, lost in the pages, but little did she know around the corner Alex was musing over the volumes. He listened with a sigh.

"Truly?" Dorian chided, turning a page. "It's nice to know you have friends." He wasn't a fan of Vivienne, to say the least.

Alex peered around the corner to see her frowning at Dorian, but her lips were still slightly playful. "It was from an acquaintance in Tevinter expressing his shock at the disturbing rumours about your...relationship with the Inquisitor."

Dorian sighed and closed his book on his finger. "Rumours you were only too happy to verify I assume," he stated.

She smiled wryly at him. "I informed him the only disturbing thing in evidence was his penmanship."

Dorian tilted his head. "Oh," he said lightly. "Thank you."

"I am not so quick to judge, darling," Vivienne said, putting a hand on her hip. "See that you give me no reason to feel otherwise."

"Ah," he grinned. "There's the Vivienne we know and avoid." And with that he went back to his book and she laughed softly before walking off. Alexander was sure that the only reason they disliked each other was because their wits were so easily matched.

***

Blackwall and Dorian sat near each other over dinner, with Alex at the head of the table talking casually with Varric. In a small interlude, he overheard yet another little clash between the warrior and the mage. This time, about Alex and Dorian.

"I overheard you at the tavern, Blackwall," Dorian was saying, as if warning. He'd had his fair share of drink for the evening, and he was wobbling his head a bit in that way of his. "Asking about the Inquisitor and I."

Blackwell immediately looked down. "I...was unsure I'd heard correctly," Blackwall said in his defence.

"You have a question?" Dorian asked boldly. "Are your whiskers quivering with curiosity?"

Blackwall cast a quick look at Alexander, who unfortunately caught his eye and gave a sort of smile as if to say, "Well?" Blackwell cleared his throat and looked back to Dorian. "I would not pry into the Inquisitor's business," he said quickly.

Dorian leaned across the table. "Are you certain?" he grinned. "I can draw diagrams?"

Blackwall frowned. "No. Thank you."

***

They headed towards camp after a long day, Varric and Dorian chatting in the background as Blackwall led the pack. Alexander was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was sleep. But it was hard to ignore Varric and Dorian at their bets yet again.

"So what's your estimation, Varric," Dorian mused. "Do you think we can win?"

Varric chuckled. "You aren't asking me to give odds on our beloved Inquisitor's success, are you?"

"What would that look like?" Dorian wondered. "Three to one?" he laughed.

"In his favour?" Varric asked.

"After Corypheus pulled an Archdemon out of his ass, are you  _joking_?" said Dorian.

Alex laughed and turned around. "I'll take those odds!" he called at them with another chuckle.

Varric grinned and Dorian smirked. "This is why I adore him so," he said dreamily to Varric, and it made Alex smile as he turned his back.

***

"Does it bother you?" Alex asked as he and Dorian stood together on the ramparts, watching the sun set over the mountains.

"Does what bother me?" Dorian asked, saddling up a little closer to Alex easily. He slid an arm around his waist.

Alex smiled. "All the questions," he went on. "Everyone always seems so ready to ask  _you_ about our business. No one ever asks me."

Dorian laughed. "They're too afraid to ask you," he said. "Can you imagine them just coming up to you and going, 'Nasty business this Corypheus thing. Terrible breach in the sky too, just awful. But I hear you're getting a bit of action on the side so well done!'"

Alex gave Dorian a little shove but he came back to his side easily. "I mean you were so worried about what people would think," Alex said as the sky grew darker. "You told me that. I don't want you to worry that they'll think you're a corruption, or a bad influence on me."

"I have sort of been a bad influence," Dorian joked, but Alex just raised a brow at him. Dorian sighed. "I suppose I don't mind anymore," he admitted. "I'm too caught up in you. Let them think what they want. Let them say I've corrupted you, or let them say all this is just scandalous fun. I don't care about them...I care about you." Alex looked at Dorian with a little grin, blinking in the dim light and blushing. "Look how adorable you are, how could I not?" Dorian finished.

Alex rolled his eyes and groaned, pretending to walk away, but Dorian grabbed him and pulled him back for a passionate kiss for all the world to see.

 

 


	2. A Setback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's easy to take things for granted when nothing too horrible seems to be going on. But when something bad happens, the entire world can shake...

Dorian groaned and Alexander laughed at his reluctance. "It's the easiest way," Alex said, gesturing up the rocky hill. "It'll be fine."

"Can we not just go around?" Dorian complained. "It won't take much longer, really!"

Alex smirked. "Oh, is the poor mage tired?" he teased.

Blackwall chuckled and Dorian cast him a poisonous glance. "Laugh it up," Dorian said. "You can't _want_ to go this way either."

"I don't," Blackwall agreed.

"Ah ha," said Dorian, glaring at Alexander and thinking he'd won.

"But I do what my commander tells me to," Blackwall added. "And I don't whine about it."

Dorian sighed and rolled his eyes as Blackwall moved up the rocks to where Alexander stood. Even Varric moved easily and without complaint. "C'mon, Sparkler," he teased. "If my legs can get me up the rocks, yours surely can."

Dorian sighed again and followed, grunting and groaning the entire way. Really, it would have been easier to go around the little rocky hill, but the sun was setting and Alexander wanted to get to camp before it got too dark. He and Blackwall led the group easily, the sunset giving them just enough light to make out where to put their feet, and Alexander continued to chuckle at every groan Dorian let off.

"If there's a difficult way to do something," Dorian complained to Alex as they neared the top. "You will most certainly choose  _that_ method."

Alex laughed yet again, using his hands as well as his feet to climb the rocky outcrop. "Exercise is good for you."

"We run around the countryside fighting everyone's fight _for_ them," Dorian said. "I get plenty of exercise, thank you."

"Sure you aren't getting a little soft in the middle?" Blackwall teased with a chuckle.

Dorian glowered at the back of his head. "I  _will_  turn your beard into an icicle forest if you keep at it."

Alex chuckled as he got to the top, a little out of breath but boasting. He turned and opened his arms wide as he stood by a large boulder on the precipice. "Ah, see?" he said. "There. Easily conquered, and it saved us at least an extra fifteen minutes."

"Oh good-y," Dorian said, nearing the top as well. He was using his hand and his staff as a method of stabilizing.

Alex smirked. "Do you need a hand?" he asked, leaning down and offering his palm.

"Get away," Dorian said, yanking himself up and repositioning his foot. A little piece of rubble fell out from underneath him and he stumbled just slightly, which of course made Alex chuckle. "Are you quite through?" Dorian snapped.

Alexander shook his head with a grin and backed up. "Take your time, I'll just wait here." But as he backed far enough away, his peripheral vision cleared the boulder beside him. And someone was there. A massive someone. By the time Alexander turned his head to look, a powerful swing from a maul sent him flying backwards and across the grass like a rag doll.

Dorian saw it all. And his vision seemed to blur. He watched someone swing hard, and Alexander was sent flying back as if he weighed absolutely nothing at all. The sound it made....the crunch of Alexander's armour....the thud of his body hitting the ground...Everything slowed, and Dorian almost felt as if he were falling.

" _ALEX!"_

Dorian had never heard his voice sound like that before. It scraped out of his throat so suddenly and so roughly that it nearly made him cough. In an instant he was up the rest of the hill as if he flew. Rushing to Alexander's crumpled form, he threw a barrier up and kneeled there in a panic.

"Dorian!" Blackwall yelled at him. Turning his head, Dorian saw a group of bandits raining blow after blow on Varric and Blackwall, and with one last glance at Alex Dorian ran off. With a great roar he threw out a cascade of icicles that ploughed through everything in their path. Blackwall and Varric were actually taken aback, and soon Dorian was lighting the bandits up in flames with everything he had.

It was a massacre, and really all Varric and Blackwall had to do was watch. With a rough slam of his staff, Dorian froze the massive man with the maul to a total statue, setting his mind alight with horrors of spiders and bugs crawling all around him. As the man panicked, Blackwall hacked away at his legs while Varric took down the archers in the distance. Slamming a piece of ice into the side of his head, Dorian knocked the massive beast of a man to the ground, and with heaving breaths Dorian twirled his staff as the last archer fell.

Throwing his staff carelessly to the ground Dorian was running back to Alex before Blackwall or Varric could say a word.

The barrier faded, and Dorian threw himself down onto his knees without any kind of ceremony. "Alex! Alex?" he said, reaching out and putting a hand on Alexander's pale cheek. Varric and Blackwall rushed over and fell to the ground much like Dorian had, but with less panic and more surprise.

Dorian looked up in terror. "He isn't breathing!"

Blackwall was fast, and in a moment he reached out and fumbled at Alexander's breast plate. It had been smashed in almost completely. "Lift him up so I can get these buckles!" Blackwall demanded.

"Won't that make it worse?" Varric asked as Dorian lifted Alex cautiously. "That plate might be the only thing keeping his chest together!"

"Better he breathe first, _then_  deal with broken bones," Blackwall told him, and once the breastplate was off, Alex took in a huge raking breath.

And regretted it. With a choked cry of pain he tried to reach down and hold his side, but one arm wouldn't move. It just wouldn't. Wincing and grimacing, he almost writhed on the ground, panicking at the pain. 

Dorian had his hand on Alex's cheek instantly. "Shh, shh, Alex, Alex look at me, look at me now, you're alright," Dorian said, fumbling for words in a way he'd never fumbled before. He was sweating and shaking, but he turned Alex's face to his and tried to give him a smile. "You're alright, it's alright."

"Varric, run to the camp," Blackwall commanded. "Get some of the scouts down here with a litter."

"On it," Varric said stiffly, and he ran with a surprising speed up the other short hill to the camp.

Meanwhile Alex was groaning and tensing in agony. "I feel...I can't..."

"Shh, just breathe, slow breaths," Dorian kept saying. He let his other hand grab for Alex's as it lay in the dirt, and Alex tried to follow Dorian's instructions. But it caused him the most intense, burning pain in his side. Every time he grimaced or groaned and struggled for breath, Dorian felt like his own chest would cave in. It was nothing compared to what Alex felt, surely, but there was a pain under Dorian's sternum that increased with every one of Alex's hisses.

Blackwall tentatively reached down and investigated Alexander's shoulder, and at the touch of his hand Alex cried out in pain. Dorian reached forward and shoved Blackwall away with such a vigour that Blackwall actually fell back. "Stop! Leave him lie!" Dorian yelled.

"I'm assessing his wounds!" Blackwall defended. 

"What do you know about it?" Dorian snapped as Alex tried to breathe. 

"More than you apparently!" Blackwall yelled back.

But Dorian had his attention on Alex, who continued to struggle and panic. The pain was disorienting. Alex had never felt something like this in his entire life, no matter what injury he'd ever received. He could remember it, the blow that moments ago sent him across the field like a toy. The memory of it was fresh, and it just made him panic more. He couldn't tell if it was due to his lack of breath, or the wounds that the hit had inflicted, but he felt like his bones were snapped. He felt like they couldn't move, as if they were somehow locked into place.

But Dorian kept shushing him, soothing him, letting his hand run through Alex's hair. Anytime Alex tried to look away or close his eyes, Dorian coaxed his gaze back to his own as if that would keep him with him. As if that would keep him alert. The moment Varric reappeared with help, and Alex heard that assistance was on its way, he let himself go, falling unconscious to the sound of Dorian practically screaming his name.

***

Dorian paced.

Blackwall sat at the fire, staring into the flames and running his hand through his hair over and over again. Alexander hadn't woken up until they'd gotten back to camp, and when he did...Blackwall could still remember the cries of pain, the agony. They didn't have a good set of healers on hand all the time. They had people better prepared than Blackwall or the other companions, but would it be enough? What could they do for him here? Blackwall could tell there were things broken, damaged, needing a good amount of repair. They didn't have the resources out here in the middle of nowhere.

Dorian had his arms crossed over his chest, and every now and then he brought a hand to his lips. Still he paced.

Varric sighed intermittently, leaning on Bianca as he stood by the flames of the fire as well. The light showed how much he was sweating, and his distant eyes suggested a kind of deep thought that he didn't like people seeing. He couldn't loose another friend. Not after everything they'd gone through. It felt like no matter where Varric went, some shit went wrong. He wasn't blaming himself for this, and he didn't often blame himself for other errors in timing, but shit...Where had those bandits even come from? And so close to camp?

The sun had set, and the surrounding woods were dark, and Dorian walked back and forth in front of Alexander's tent. Over and over again he traced the same line, and as Varric and Blackwall watched him they expected to see a little indent start to form in the ground.

Dorian didn't look at them. In fact, it almost seemed like he hadn't brought his eyes up from the ground in hours. Even as Alex could be heard making little groans or gasping through the pain, Dorian kept his eyes still on the ground under his feet. Every time he brought his hand to his mouth, Blackwall wondered if it was to muffle a noise he wasn't comfortable making. At least not in the presence of others...

Blackwall shared a glance with Varric, who pursed his lips and sighed a bit as they stared at one another. With a sigh of his own, Blackwall looked up to Dorian's pacing form. "Dorian..." he started, but it didn't seem like the other man even heard him. Before Blackwall could go on, however, the flap of Alex's tent opened and the makeshift healer stepped out. She was no mage, and therefore had only a few talents for the time.

Everyone stood as she appeared, and Dorian stopped his pacing but kept his arms crossed and his eyes on the ground.

"How is he?" Blackwall asked, coming to stand before the healer with Varric at his side. 

The healer sighed. "I've set his wounds," she said. "He should be alright to breathe now, at least shallowly, but he's still badly injured. I've given him something for the pain but he needs a Spirit Healer. There isn't much more I can do for him."

"When you say that," Varric started, "you mean right now, right? As in...this moment in time there isn't anything more you can do?"

The healer sighed but nodded. "He needs to be taken back to Skyhold," she said. "I imagine there's better care for him there."

Blackwall cast a quick look at Dorian, who still stared at the ground. He was biting his thumbnail now, however, and his eyes were wide and full of thought. "He's not..." Blackwall began, hesitating. "He's not fading, is he?"

Dorian swallowed hard.

The healer shook her head. "He seems stable for now," she said. "From what I can tell, it's only bad breaks. No punctures. But he needs more attention than I can give."

"We leave at first light then," Dorian said suddenly, making everyone turn to him. He kept his eyes on the ground, as if that was where everyone stood staring at him. No one argued and no one asked why he was giving the orders. They just nodded in agreement. "The moment the sun rises," Dorian added.

"Right," Blackwall said.

"You've got it," Varric added.

They watched Dorian stand there, somewhat frozen for a moment, before he turned round and opened Alex's tent flap. Ducking inside, everyone left by the fire exhaled long and hard. If _they_ were worried...

Inside, Alexander had been laid out on a pedestal, stretcher and all. It had been too hard to get him to the ground, and the more sturdy the bench below him the better. Most of his armour had been removed, and Dorian stared at the tightly wrapped bandage around Alex's chest. His still wore his thin shirt, but where the bandage was tied there seemed to be something like a board or a plate that kept his ribs in place. A red-brown bruise was forming on Alex's cheek, and Dorian could make out a discolouration by Alex's slightly bare shoulder. He looked broken. This hulking mass of strength and determination, who only hours ago had been cracking jokes, was laying there snapped like a twig.

The sight of him made Dorian sigh, forcing his chest to take quick shallow breaths. Dorian clenched his jaw and stepped forward, coming to stand beside Alex's makeshift bed. With a gulp, he looked Alex over in the dim lamplight. 

What was this, Dorian wondered to himself. His eyes raked over Alex as if they couldn't possibly take in the sight, as if this couldn't be real. He'd been fine just moments ago, up and moving and perfectly alright. And now here he was, laying injured and damaged. How had it happened so fast? How could it have possibly happened to Alex? Dorian took a deep, shaking breath and reached out to gently brush at Alex's messy hair.

At his touch, Alex gave a little frown and a soft groan. His eyes opened just slightly, and Dorian smiled at the sight.

Alex gulped. "Dor...ian..." he said softly.

"Shh now," Dorian cooed, bending to his knees and leaning his arms on the little table-like bed Alex rested on. He kept his hand softly brushing through Alex's hair, and Alex blinked at him dreamily. "I'm here."

"I...feel like..." Alex tried to explain, but his breaths came shallowly, and it seemed difficult for him to speak. "Dizzy," he said simply.

Dorian nodded and scooted as close as he could. "Yes, they gave you something to help you sleep," he explained. "Nothing to worry over."

Alex gulped again and licked his dry lips. "Tell...me the truth," he breathed. "Am...Am I dying?"

Dorian's barely-there composure snapped, and his face crumpled into emotional agony for a moment before he cracked a difficult smile. "No," he said softly. "Of course not. You? Never. You just...got hit hard, that's all," Dorian said, letting his eyes twitch all over Alex's bruising face. "Need to watch where you're going."

Alex smiled and gave a tiny, pitiful chuckle. Which hurt. When he grimaced, Dorian did as well. "Shh, shh," Dorian said. "Sorry. Shouldn't make you laugh."

"You...always do," Alex said, still holding onto that small smile.

Dorian smiled back painfully, running his hand through Alexander's hair once more. There on his knees, kneeling up and resting his elbows on the edge of the bench, Dorian almost looked like he was praying. And from the little lifted tent flap, Varric and Blackwall watched in secret.

"Now," Dorian whispered sweetly. "You get some rest. And we'll be on our way tomorrow, and everything will go back to the way it was."

"Back to...to Skyhold?"

"Yes," Dorian said. "Get you...get you right as rain again."

"Mm," Alex mumbled. It was half an agreement, and half a dreamy thought. How he'd like to feel normal again.

Dorian swallowed down his dry throat, tilting his head as he watched Alex close his eyes softly. "Just a minor set back, this," Dorian said, mostly to himself, and as Alex drifted back into sleep Dorian stayed there. He stayed there on his knees, his fingers very softly running through Alexander's hair and brushing across his skin. Varric and Blackwall watched for long minutes as Dorian stayed perfectly stable there, staring at Alex and breathing deep. It was...odd to see.

No. Not odd.

Sad. But a little bit heartwarming. 

 


	3. Believing It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herald of Andraste. The Grand Inquisitor. Noble born and triumphant warrior. Surely, Alexander couldn't be touched. But even icons fall, like a piece on a chess board, and no one knew how to react.

The slow panic that rose up at the sight of a stretcher coming across the Skyhold bridge was a sight to be seen. 

At first, people were confused. Anyone watching the little group returning earlier than expected seemed to be more confounded than worried. Cullen was the first to be told, and the poor solider who let him know about the stretcher looked just as confused as Cullen did. When he went out onto the barricade, a few other Inquisition men and women were watching the slow approach of the group.

"Find Cassandra and Leliana," Cullen told the soldier who stood beside him. "And rouse Josephine from her desk."

The advisors all stood at the gate by the time the group made it close enough for visual confirmation. Varric and Blackwall seemed to lead the group to some degree, while a few other Inquisition scouts and soldiers brought up the middle and rear. And two men, carrying the stretcher between them, were just out of the way enough to show who was laying there.

Josephine gasped at the sight, and Cassandra dropped her arms from her chest with wide eyes and a slack jaw. Leliana stiffened and breathed a prayer, while Cullen's brows furrowed as he stared. They paused only a moment in shock before rushing ahead to meet the weary travellers.

Dorian had walked beside the stretcher the entire way back to Skyhold. Which had been a long journey. The healer had accompanied them in order to be on hand for emergencies, but mainly to deliver regular potions for pain management. Alexander had spent the majority of the trip unconscious, which was done intentionally.

Varric and Blackwall had more or less left Dorian to his solitary walking. He was far, far too quiet for his usual self, and it both concerned and surprised them. He kept his head up more than he had before, and every now and then he would risk lifting his hand to brush the back of Alex's or gently smooth his hair if Alex gave out a little groan. When they stopped to eat or stopped for a rest, Dorian would sit quietly amongst the others, who were also not prone to chattiness, and stare rather uselessly at nothing. He looked exhausted.

Varric was the only one to try and talk to Dorian during the trip, and sometimes he succeeded, getting him to chat absently about something or other. But it always ended in silence, or one of them awkwardly walking away. Varric decided that, if he were to ever write this story down, he'd describe how when Alex was broken, Dorian was too.

Bringing Alexander into the main courtyard at Skyhold was horrible. Everyone present stopped and stared or gasped and cried out. Legitimate sobs were heard, along with loud cries of "no" or "Maker save him". Alex didn't look healthy, but it was at least clear upon inspection that he wasn't dead. It was quickly spread out that he lived, but was injured, and Cassandra was a wonderful body guard for making people give him space and keep back.

Getting Alexander to his quarters was difficult. Dorian had floated along beside the stretcher for the majority of the panic, and while everyone around him seemed to be in utter distress Dorian kept cool. Which was odd. Everyone agreed that it was odd, and everyone watched Dorian with great concern in fear he might snap. As they struggled to get Alexander up the stairs to his room, Dorian stepped in and helped easily, making Cassandra and Cullen share a little nervous glance.

It was strange, the way Dorian behaved. With his dark brows furrowed, he was quiet and contemplative. Anything he said was in the form of directions or advice on how best to handle the situation, but there was so much more in his eyes that he wasn't saying. No one had gotten him to shut up this much, no matter how often the joke was made. Now that he  _was_ uncharacteristically silent, people were concerned.

The Spirit Healer arrived in a rush the moment Alexander was successfully put into his bed. He'd woken slightly as they moved him, and with half-veiled eyes he looked about the room in a daze. He seemed confused as to how he was in Skyhold, and people tried to explain to him, but it seemed to do no good. The Spirit Healer stepped in and ushered everyone out, only allowing the other healer to remain as an assistant. When Dorian didn't budge, Leliana broke his distant gaze and waved him to the door.

"I'm staying," he said as if it were obvious. He had his arms crossed over his chest, one hand up across his lips in his usual thoughtful posture, but his eyes looked almost...Leliana could swear they were red.

She sighed. "Give them room to operate," Leliana told him. "It can be daunting to remain behind helplessly."

He tilted his head at her. "And what makes you think I'm helpless?" he almost demanded, but what could he do? In the state he was in he felt like a single push would send him down the stairs he stood by. With a long, uncomfortable stare, Dorian finally turned on his heel and moved down the stairs, followed by Leliana. Behind them, the healers did their best.

Cassandra, Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, and Varric all sat outside Alex's quarters, waiting. Blackwall had gone off to explain to anyone he could what was going on, including the other members of the Inquisition team.

Iron Bull and Sera didn't believe it, so much so that it got to the point of unnecessary anger. Sera stormed off calling it bullshit, and Iron Bull just kept shaking his horned head over and over. Every now and then, he'd yell something in a language no one was really sure of. Solas was told briefly, quickly, and he put his book down in shock and leaned back in his chair. Brows furrowed, he stared at the wall as if this could not be, and then he closed his eyes with a sigh.

Cole did whatever he could to calm the worried minds that suddenly swelled up. He didn't like all the sadness in the air that appeared so quickly, and it was all he could do to talk people out of panic or soothe minds out of fear.

Vivienne was actually asked for, having a spiritual knack and a good amount of healing experience. At the sight of her being let up to Alexander's room, Dorian opened his mouth to argue. But Cullen put a hand out and stopped him, and Dorian looked away out the window in annoyance.

All he wanted was to be let up. All he could have asked for was to be by Alexander's side. Dorian knew what he must seem like to the others, and he was no stranger to their odd stares, but as the sun began to set the little crowd dispersed. Only Dorian, Cassandra, and Varric remained.

"Tell me again what happened?" Cassandra asked, leaning on her knees as she sat on an old box.

Varric sighed. "Like I said, I barely even saw it happen," he repeated. "He was standing above me right as rain one moment, then...just gone the next. Thrown across the field."

Cassandra was frowning. "But where did they even--"

"Can we not discuss it?" Dorian said, making both Cassandra and Varric look to him in surprise. He'd been standing, stoic and silent, staring out the window for the past half hour. He sighed. "What does it matter _how_ or  _what?_ What matters is that..." He stopped talking and shifted his position with a sigh.

Cassandra looked at Varric with pursed lips, and Varric gave her a shrug. Dorian was fun loving and adventurous, brave and secretly kind. Varric liked to think they were close, but he didn't know what to do with this moment. Cassandra and Dorian were further apart than perhaps anyone could be, but she understood the heart. She wasn't particularly skilled at vulnerability, particularly with people she didn't quite like, but...

Taking a deep breath, Cassandra spoke up. "Dorian, I wonder if..." She paused, looking at Varric a moment before he strategically avoided her gaze. "I wonder if anyone has asked how  _you_ are doing?"

Dorian cast her one brief glance before looking back out the window. "Fine," he said, so confidently that you would  _almost_ believe him. "Just waiting around like everybody else, I imagine." It was like Cassandra let open the floodgates. "The way everyone reacted when we came in. You'd think he was dead."

"Which he isn't," Varric said quickly, sharing a concerned look with Cassandra as Dorian spouted on. How much of this had he been holding in?

Dorian gave a bitter laugh. "Yes. Maker forbid it if he died. The Inquisition would crumble. All those people out there," he said, looking down on the courtyard. "They all think he's their salvation. Andraste incarnate, come to save us all from our sins. They put him on such a pedestal, it's no wonder he tries to perform for them. Like a trained bear! They don't know that he's just a person, they don't care to see that side. And he doesn't know how to show it off enough. His military mind won't let him, that and his noble blood. He's not an icon to be worshipped, he's just a person! A person who can be hurt like anyone else can--!"

"Dorian," Cassandra interrupted, standing up and making him turn to her. He looked so angry, so distressed, and he was breathing hard. She stared at him, confused, and he looked from her to Varric a moment before turning to the window once more.

Varric sighed. He knew what was eating Dorian, at least through what he was saying. They didn't know Alex like Dorian knew Alex. If Inquisitor Trevelyan perished, everyone would be more concerned for themselves than for the man that was. All Alex was to them was a symbol, a hero, an icon. 'What do we do now?' would be the only thing said if Alexander was gone. If Alex died the world could end tomorrow, but it would end that day for Dorian.

"Apologies," Dorian mumbled after an uncomfortable silence passed. "It's...been a long trip."

"Maybe you should get some shut eye, Sparkler," Varric suggested softly. "I'll personally come kick you up if there's any news."

"No," Dorian said slowly. "I'm fine, thank you."

It took another long silence before the Healers reappeared. In that time, Cullen reappeared accompanied by Blackwall, and Dorian had been coaxed into sitting down. He was worrying everyone, it seemed, as Blackwall had been talking to Cullen about the mage's odd behaviour whilst climbing the stairs.

When the door opened, Dorian sat up fast as if it looked poorly for him to be sitting. The Spirit Healer came down towards them a bit, wiping her brow as they all stood in anticipation.

Cassandra sighed. "Well?"

"He's alright," the Healer said. A collective sigh of relief was heard. No one but Varric saw Dorian sit back down almost weakly.

"What were his injuries?" Cullen asked.

"His shoulder took the brunt of the attack," the Healer explained. "Broken bones are hard to handle, and it will take time before he is whole again. His entire body took a shock, and the travel did not help him."

Blackwall frowned. "We had to bring him back as fast as we could," he defended.

"I am not saying what you did was wrong," the Healer corrected. "The sooner he got attention the better. I only regret the fortune of being so far away. It was a difficult session."

"Will he need more care?" Cullen asked, imagining the time they'd lose to this. He felt guilty that the thought was even in his mind, but it was still important to consider.

"Yes," the Healer nodded. "It will take time for his body to repair. I have done the majority of the work, but there is much I must leave to nature."

Everyone nodded and took deep breaths, standing there in the cool-down of panic and fear. Dorian was staring at the ground, looking to all the world like the exact opposite of what he hid behind. He was open, slack jawed slightly and wide eyed. He looked relieved, but still thrown, as if someone had just taken a weight off his chest and he was still feeling the effects.

Varric had gone to stand beside him where he sat, but soon Dorian was standing back up and making for the door. "I'd like to see him," he said.

The Healer stood in his path. "They are just finishing now," she explained. "Then he needs to rest."

"I won't wake him," Dorian said sternly, staring her down as if he'd throw her from the little balcony they stood on if she said 'no'.

The Healer looked at the group behind with a furrowed brow.

"Let him go," Cullen said, the only voice ready to stand up for Dorian's claim on Alex. Dorian actually gave the Commander a thankful look, and he ducked passed the Healer and mounted the steps.

Vivienne and the other camp healer were just finishing their work with Alex, who lay in bed slightly alert but very drowsy. The sight of him awake made Dorian feel instantly better, and a lot of that darkness that had been hanging over his head managed to drift off slightly.

He walked towards the bed and Vivienne straightened up. "He's doing much better," she told Dorian, getting a half nod and partial glare from the man. She just killed him with kindness. "With time he will be back to his old self. But he needs rest."

"I've been told, thank you," Dorian snapped lightly. Vivienne and the other healer shared a look that seemed to be a subtle eye roll, and they left quietly and calmly letting Dorian move ever closer to Alexander.

When the door shut, Alexander tried to smile. It looked like such an effort for the usually smiling man, and somehow Alexander looked smaller. Dorian was grateful that he didn't seem to be in pain, but it cracked Dorian's heart a little further to see him hurt at all. But he tried to grin back. "Pull up a chair," Alexander said very weakly.

Dorian shook his head softly but did just that. "You look a little better," Dorian said, sitting by Alexander's bedside elegantly. He felt a little more like himself, now that he was here with Alex and he could see him. Hearing his voice after such a long silence was like a cup of water after a dessert walk. But Alex still had a nasty bruise on his face, and Dorian could still see the hint of a horrible one at Alex's shoulder.

"I feel...so...mmm, ugh," Alex groaned, closing his eyes and shifting under the blankets.

Dorian reached out and put a soft hand on Alex's arm. "You need to rest," Dorian said. "Don't move too much. And don't mind me."

"I like minding you," Alex almost whispered, bringing that odd half-smile back to his face. His eyes looked rather vacant, and Dorian wondered how powerful a sedative they'd given the poor boy. Alex took a deep breath and let his eyes close for a moment, and Dorian just stared at his face. It was so good to see it in peace, with a little more colour back in his cheeks.

As if someone pulled the words from him, Dorian sighed out, "Fuck I was worried about you, Alex." Alex gave a barely aware smile at that confession, and for some reason it spurred Dorian on more. Maybe Alex wouldn't remember, and maybe he would, but Dorian had no one else to talk to. Alex was the one he talked to. "I've never been so afraid in my life. Well I may have, but this was so different. What would I do if you..." 

Dorian stopped, looked away, steadied himself. Then he laughed at himself. "This is why I avoided relationships. The whole getting hurt concern means something different in this respect, hm?" Alex seemed asleep, and Dorian scooted his chair a little closer. "You know what I'm thinking?" he whispered as if Alex could hear. "The whole time, all I've been thinking? That I'm so sorry I couldn't stop it. That...I should have been faster. But how could I have seen it coming? I know that. I know I couldn't have and yet...I hate that I didn't."

Out of nowhere, Alex started to chuckle. "You pushed Blackwall," he breathed.

Dorian laughed louder than he expected he would. His eyes were damp but he pretended they weren't. "Yes, I did," Dorian chuckled, holding onto Alex's arm a little tighter. His other hand found Alexander's fingers.

Eyes still closed, Alexander was smiling softly. "Who...knew you were so...protective."

Dorian blinked a few times. "Yes," he agreed. "Who knew." Dorian waited and watched for a long time, letting Alex drift back into sleep. He still couldn't believe this had happened, that such an impressive specimen could be thrown down so easily. It honestly confused him, but so did the way he felt. There had never been someone that Dorian would crumble without. In such a short time, and for all his mocking and joking with the poor lad, Dorian was incredibly, overly attached to Alex. It was dangerous to certain degrees, he knew that. But if Alex told Dorian to leave, he probably would, and he'd probably wear his sarcastic suit of armour about it too.

But if Alex was  _taken_ from him, that was a different scenario. Dorian had only ever contemplated loss in the sense of Alex saying they should end it. That's the only fear he'd really had in letting Alex get too close.  _This_ outcome was far worse. If Alex left him to the world alone, there would be no harsh feelings to fall back on. Dorian would rather Alex break his heart than die on him, because he could at least be mad! Losing Alex knowing that he still loved Dorian would be the absolute worst outcome of this sudden but wonderful relationship they had, and Dorian realized it here and now as he watched Alex sleeping.

They lived in a dangerous world. And Dorian was only now clueing into the fact that, though Alex had the choice before of leaving Dorian or staying with him, he may not always get to choose.

After a little while, Dorian stood up and bent over Alex's gentle face. "Don't do this to me again," Dorian whispered, and he placed a soft kiss to Alex's forehead before sitting back down. With Alex's hand loosely held in his, Dorian decided that even though he hated the fear and the panic and the horror of this love, he still wouldn't trade it for the world.


	4. The Difference a Day Makes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the Inquisition forces, soldiers and cooks alike, discussed Alexander's perilous wounds, the higher-ups discussed something quite different...

The morning was bright, refreshing, even if almost everyone's sleep had been fitful. The usual faces were present in the great hall for breakfast, everyone taking their own little plate of food and either sitting down or escaping to solitude. Everyone had formed friends, naturally, but some were closer than others. Sera liked to keep to herself mostly, stuck up there in her corner room in the tavern. Iron Bull had his own companions, but he was more sociable with the other Inquisition members. Vivienne and Solas were naturally solitary, and that left very few alliances to be made.

But Varric was good at blending into almost any group. Of course, the group he liked best was pretty shattered right now. With Alexander bed-ridden, Blackwall quieter than usual, and Dorian Maker knew where...Varric didn't really have anywhere to be. He liked Alex. He was a good kid, and they had fun! But now he had nowhere to go really.

One table in the hall was apparently dedicated to the advisors, who all sat there in early-morning grogginess whispering back and forth. It wasn't hard to guess at what they were mumbling about, and when Varric sat down casually at their table the little whispers slowed and stopped as everyone cast him a look. "I'm guessing you're all talking about what a sad-sack a certain Tevinter mage was yesterday," Varric said, unfazed by the groups sudden silence and biting into an apple.

Everyone shared a look that said they were caught.

"We were merely trying to determine if there was anything further we could be doing," Josephine said. For such a political mind, she was a terrible liar, and Varric cast her a disbelieving look.

Cassandra sighed. "It is just...odd. We are all trying to wrap our heads around it."

"Around the Inquisitor's wounds?" Varric mused at her. "Or Lord Pavus and his clear obsession?"

"I do not call it an obsession," Leliana put in. "It is clear he cares about him greatly."

"Wasn't that already established?" Cullen asked, taking a sip from his cup and leaning on his elbow.

Blackwall appeared and sat down beside Varric. "Count me down as someone who didn't believe it."

"Here here," Cassandra said almost jokingly.

Varric frowned. "Were you all in doubt about it? About the way they were together?"

Everyone fidgeted a little nervously. "I wasn't in doubt," Leliana finally said. "I think it is just strange to see it so...out in the open."

"Do you have a problem with it?" Varric asked her. It was almost a challenge.

"Of course not!" she frowned.

"I think what Leliana means," Cullen began, "is that...it was always something in the background. The look on his face yesterday...I've never seen someone look so distraught. It...changed things."

Varric nodded. "Yeah, you don't see them making eyes at each other all the time. I do. And believe me, it's not a passing fancy."

"Did you all think it was?" Josephine asked.

Most every face looked guilty. "I have to admit," Cassandra started cautiously, "it always  _did_ come across as a joke to Dorian."

"Everything is a joke with Dorian," Leliana put in.

"Well it wasn't funny yesterday," Blackwall said. "He almost single-handedly massacred those bandits. It was quite the sight."

"I  _still_ don't know what to say about it," Varric agreed. Everyone seemed almost impressed, and then Varric chuckled. "He almost went mama bear on Alex."

Blackwall laughed lightly. "Gave me quite a shove out of the way too."

"I can't imagine Dorian being so physical or...emotional," Josephine said. "At least not if the emotion is anything but anger."

"Like I said," Varric pointed out, "you don't spend enough time with them. I get dragged all over the country-side dealing with this romantic shit. It's like something right out of my books."

"That bad?" Cullen joked, though it was clear to see Cassandra's expression change to surprise and sincerity.

"Hilarious, Curly," Varric scoffed. "But I'm telling you. Don't underestimate that Tevinter. I think he'd _die_ for the Inquisitor. No, scratch that, he'd die for  _Alex_." 

Everyone seemed to agree, nodding vaguely. Cullen sighed. "If he isn't invested in our cause," he said. "He's certainly invested in its leader."

***

Only Cassandra and Cullen joined the healers in their check up. The sun had drifted up, and after a time it was decided an update was needed. For everyone. As the healers came through the great hall, Cassandra and Cullen were speaking of simple matters when they decided to accompany the two professionals in their work, just to be sure. Just to spread the hopefully good news.

When the four people reached the top of Alexander's little staircase, they hadn't exactly expected to find a fifth person.

Sitting in a chair, sprawled out somewhat with his feet up on the edge of the bed, Dorian was fast asleep. His brow was furrowed as if his rest was troublesome, but the image of him sitting there like a guardian whilst Alex rested in peace shocked Cullen and Cassandra. The healers barely paused, but the two advisors just stared strangely...before Cullen chuckled.

Cassandra slapped his arm. "Why is this funny?" she asked with a frown.

"I'm sorry, it's not, it's just..." Cullen tried to find the words, still bashfully grinning. "Sweet. It's oddly sweet."

Cassandra gave Cullen a little glare but soon her face softened and she sighed. Looking back on the sight, it actually was rather endearing. As the healers prepared themselves to diagnose their patient, Cassandra walked around to Dorian's side and gave him a little shake. He shifted slightly with a little tired sigh, but he didn't open his eyes. "Dorian," Cassandra almost cooed. "Dorian."

He jumped awake, and with wide eyes Dorian stared around the room until realizing Cassandra towered over him, which made him jump again. "Well," he said groggily. "There's a sight I never imagined waking to."

Cassandra rolled her eyes as he pulled his feet from the bed and stretched his neck. But his obvious concern for Alexander touched her romantic heart, and she was rather sincere. "You slept here all night?" she asked.

"It does seem that way," Dorian said, cracking his back. "Seeing as though I'm still here in the morning."

Cullen walked over as the healers started to investigate Alex's bandaging. Dorian seemed quite dazed, more out of it than he got when he was drinking, and he knew Cassandra wouldn't handle Dorian's sleepy sassiness for long. In fact, Cullen put a hand on Cassandra's arm to stop her from retorting. "Why don't you go get some rest?" Cullen suggested as Dorian stood stiffly. He looked like more of a mess than anyone had ever seen him, which wasn't exactly saying much. Dorian was usually immaculate, but this morning he looked tired and his hair was a little messy.

"Some real rest," Cullen added. "Like in a bed. There's not much you can do by sitting here."

Dorian sighed. "Yes," he said wearily, slowly walking towards the steps. "Right. Probably a good plan." Cullen clapped Dorian on the back as he walked dreamily past, yawning, and over his shoulder he gave the sleeping Alex one last worried look before heading out. 

Cassandra was shaking her head as the door shut. "I've never seen that man so absolutely...He seems a different person."

"Yes," Cullen said. "Love does that." Cassandra scoffed, but inside she believed it.

The healers were hard at work, and Cassandra and Cullen stood at the foot of Alexander's bed watching anxiously. "How does he seem?" Cassandra asked.

The Spirit healer gave a rather worrying shrug, but she thankfully explained. "We have to test further to know," she explained. "We are just investigating the wrappings, and the healing process from last night."

The healer uncovered Alex slightly, exposing his bandaged shoulder and chest, and with cautious hands she reached out to test the wound. The bruise on Alex's shoulder was massive, peeking through the top and bottom of the pale bandages wrapped around him. The mark on his face was also a disturbing shade of black, yet even with that he looked surprisingly good. There was colour in his cheeks, and he seemed to be sleeping perfectly at east. But the healer gave a little press into his shoulder, feeling for the break and whether it had healed properly in the night, and when she pushed down Alex's brows furrowed and he gave a little groan.

In a flash of energy his eyes opened, and he hissed out. Turning his head sharply he glared at the woman over him. "Ah!" he complained, almost sarcastically. "Stop that! Maker have mercy..."

Cullen laughed and Cassandra grinned. "There's our Inquisitor," she said.

Alex groaned as the healer smirked, letting her fingers work a little softer. He looked between the two people hovering over him, prodding at him, back and forth before staring at Cassandra and Cullen. He gave a little cough. "What happened?" he asked.

"You don't recall?" Cullen wondered.

Alex closed his eyes a moment and gave another groan. "I remember...climbing a hill and...and then it all just goes dark--No! Wait, I--Ow!" He glared yet again at the healer and Cullen laughed once more.

"How do you feel?" Cassandra asked.

Alex sighed. "Broken," he said. Tentatively shifted under the blankets he realized just how absolutely stiff and sore he felt. "Andraste's Grace, I feel like I was trampled by a stampede."

"Hit with a maul," Cullen explained with a slight smirk. "Probably just as bad."

Alex nodded slowly, sorely. "Yes I remember. I think. There were bandits too." Cullen and Cassandra nodded at him as the healers did their check up, but then Alex's eyes went wide. "Varric! And Blackwall and Dorian...are they...?"

"They're fine," Cullen said. "Don't worry."

But Alex frowned and sighed. "So just me then."

Cassandra shrugged. "It is nothing to be ashamed of," she said. "The amount of injuries I have received in the line of battle...Do not let it make you feel any less accomplished. The Inquisition forces certainly won't think differently."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked, narrowing his eyes.

Cullen and Cassandra shared a slight glance. "The...When you were brought in you looked quite poorly," Cullen started.

"People saw," Cassandra said, and the moment the words left her lips Alexander was frowning, opening his own mouth to complain. "But they were mostly concerned. It has nothing to do with weakness--"

"Does it not?" Alexander asked angrily. "I need to be a symbol to these people, and seeing me like this won't have helped our cause!" Alex ran out of breath by the end of his sentence, and he grimaced in pain as he tried to take a deep breath.

The healers put their hands on his shoulders. "Do not strain yourself," the Spirit Healer informed him. "You need to heal."

Alex struggled to keep his composure, taking a slow breath and fuming silently. He put a hand to his forehead and tried to relax. He'd never been taken down like this. Cuts, bruises, maybe a dislocated shoulder, but never knocked down and out. Falling wasn't an option. It never had been for him, and certainly now it shouldn't be! He just kept sighing, trying to slow his rapid, angry heart beat.

"You should be more touched by the concern everyone had for you," Cullen said gently. "I do not suspect people will consider you vulnerable now."

"Yes they will," Alex said.

"Then let them," Cassandra said sternly. "And show them they are wrong. Or, show them you are but one man. One man who will still win this fight."

Alex blinked a moment before slightly smiling at her. She smiled back, and after a little moment Alex actually felt a little better. He always got pep talks from Cassandra, and a lot of the times he'd give them right back to her. They weren't the closest of friends, but there was at least one thing they agreed on: battle. "Thank you," he said to her softly.

She gave him a nod. "You'll be up and back at it in no time."

"Just in time for Orlais," Cullen joked.

Alex chuckled lightly but cringed. "Ah, shouldn't laugh."

"Apologies," Cullen said with a little bow of his head. "We'll let you rest."

"I'll have someone bring you something to eat," Cassandra said, following Cullen towards the stairs. "You need to get your strength back."

Alexander sighed as his chamber door closed and the healers bustled about him. "Strength," he mumbled to himself bitterly.

***

Meanwhile, as Alex was poked and prodded and tested over and over again, Dorian sat in the kitchens. The servants there, the cooks and the servers and whoever else belonged to the dark space, seemed to pay him no mind as he sat on a stool by the fire. It was the only place he could really think of where no one would find him, where no one would come asking how he was.

He didn't want to tell people how he was, because he was fucking awful.

Dorian felt so tired. He'd never felt so exhausted in his life, and he knew that there was still residual panic and terror in his head, fogging it up. He leaned on his knees, staring into the flames with weary eyes, but there was no way he could sleep. Dorian wanted to say it was because of his rapidly thinking mind that he expected restlessness, but if he was honest with himself, it was a completely different reason.

It felt normal. Not the panic or the worry, and definitely not the fact that Alex was hurt, but the way Dorian felt. His fear and his reaction and his concern, while it shocked everyone else, felt oddly normal. He hated the sensation, of course, but he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it was perfectly normal for him to be so distraught.

Because he loved the stupid boy. Man. Whatever. Dorian sighed.

He loved Alex. It twisted very rapidly from his original infatuation into something much stronger, and it took that horrible moment for him to really realize. To see Alex almost taken from him, for Dorian to have even had the thought that Alex could die, it changed something in him. One random day, and Dorian's entire world was thrown off kilter. And so that's why it felt normal to him. Still odd, but he wasn't beating himself up over it as he expected he should be. He cared too much about Alex to care at all about himself.

That cold, sarcastic, dry witty image he'd crafted for himself broke when it came to Alex. Of course, Dorian was more or less all those things. It wasn't always an act. But Dorian didn't hate it when Alex squeezed through the cracks to the gentle, hidden man beneath. He hated when _other_ people got through and spotted his weakness, but even from the start somehow Dorian had known that with Alex it would be okay. In fact, now Dorian knew that Alex  _was_ a weakness of his. He'd known it a little bit before, at least when it came to favouritism and flirtations, but it was so much more serious now.

The fire was fading in the hearth, as if matching the lack of energy Dorian felt within himself. Dorian sighed yet again as a door closed behind him, and turning around he realized he was suddenly absolutely alone. He frowned, but turning back to the fire he jumped. "Aah!" he yelled out against his will, eyeing Cole as he suddenly sat on the stool beside Dorian. "Maferath's balls, Cole, can you _not?"_  

"He's going to be alright," Cole said softly, watching the fire under the brim of his, to Dorian, irrationally large hat.

Dorian stiffened a moment, then shook his head. "No, I do not want to play this game right now," he said. "As endearing as you are, I'm really not in the mood."

Cole looked at him almost like he was confused. "But he's going to be alright," Cole repeated as if Dorian hadn't heard.

Dorian sighed. "I _know_ ," he said. And really that was the worst part, knowing Alex was going to be fine but being afraid all the same. It wasn't Alex's condition now that concerned Dorian, it was the endless 'what-ifs' that went along with these new-found feelings of his. 

Then he frowned and shook his head, clearing Cole from his mind. "Ah no! You stop that," he said, pointing a finger at Cole like he were a misbehaving cat. "I have enough  _feelings_. I don't need anymore."

Cole, to Dorian's surprise, just smirked at his annoyance. "You're going to be alright too."

Dorian blinked and leaned away, staring at the strange Spirit boy who sat so confidently beside him. After a moment, Cole looked away and back at the dying fire, still softly smiling. He reached for a little poker and gave the logs in the fireplace a small prod, making little embers rise up as Dorian continued to stare. Slowly, almost unsure of making sudden movements, Dorian turned back to the flames as well. But his back was a little straighter, head a little higher.

"I know that too," Dorian said softly, and still Cole poked at the fire, bringing the flames back from their dying embers, making it burn bright once again.

 


	5. A Little Bit Of Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of what was definitely one of Dorian's worst experiences, the feeling of control had finally returned slightly. But although he'd admitted his love to himself, could he admit it to Alex?

Varric couldn't believe it. They'd told him that Dorian had completely vanished, but there he was, sitting in his chair with one leg crossed and a book in his hand. Varric had climbed the stairs to the library with determination, a surprising amount for him, but something about Dorian's recent attitude made him feel...a little worried. He had to admit, he and Dorian were pretty similar in certain ways, just like Varric and Alex. Varric wasn't one to mother-hen anyone, but this was his crew as far as he was concerned. And he'd help them out whenever he could.

So there was Dorian, looking to all the world like his usual self, brow furrowed in thought as he casually reclined.

Varric walked over with a sigh. "You know people thought you'd run away from home," he said.

Dorian didn't look up but simply turned the page in his book. "I think you'll find that technically I  _have_ done that already."

Varric chuckled. "Well let's not have a repeat of that, huh? People have been looking all over for you."

"I imagine so," Dorian said, eyes still on his reading. "I'm an expert at avoidance."

"I'll say," Varric said. "Everyone told me you weren't up here."

"I recently arrived."

"Uh huh," Varric said. Dorian  _seemed_  normal, but Varric could swear he felt the tension rolling off the man even through their distance. "You...holding up alright?"

"Fine, thank you," Dorian said, brushing Varric off a bit. But then he gave a soft sigh at his own rudeness and, still keeping his eyes strategically on the page, he relaxed slightly. "I've...come to terms with some issues. It's put me at a bit more ease."

Varric smiled just slightly. "Then why aren't you sleeping?" he asked. "Last I heard, that's what you were meant to be doing."

"I slept last night," Dorian said with a casual shrug.

"Probably not well, I'm guessing," Varric mused, leaning on a bookshelf absently and crossing his hands together.

Dorian dropped his book at last and gave Varric an unimpressed look. "Are you expecting me to drop into turmoil? Is that what you're waiting for?"

Varric shrugged one shoulder. "You tell me, Sparkler."

Dorian frowned. "Well I'm not one for theatrics. At least not when  _I'm_ the cause."

"Really?" Varric joked. "Could have fooled everyone yesterday."

"Let's not discuss this, and say we did," Dorian snapped. "I'm not much in the mood for emotional bonding."

"Okay, alright," Varric said, standing straight and holding his hands up in surrender. "Just trying to bring back a bit of the normalcy. If you think  _you're_ bad at this soft stuff..."

Dorian finally gave Varric a chuckle. "As much as I appreciate your attempts, I'm more of an 'ignore it if I can' sort of person."

"Likewise," Varric said with a nod. They smiled at each other a moment, gently, normally, before Varric sighed. "You're worry was worrying us, you know," he said, watching Dorian look away. With another sigh, Varric moved on. "Anyway, the reason I've been looking for you is because he's awake."

Dorian slammed the book shut and lost his composure for just a moment. "Just now?" he asked.

"For a majority of the morning I'd say," Varric explained. "All I know is that Cassandra told me to find you."

Vaguely, Dorian knew how he looked now, essentially going against everything he'd just said, but..."Is he alright? Nothing's wrong, is it?"

Varric smirked. "From what I hear, he's gonna be fine. Bruised to shit, but he'll live."

Dorian stood. "Too stubborn to be killed so easily," he joked, straightening his jacket.

Varric laughed. "That sounds more like you."

***

When Dorian was a teenager, he was incredibly depressed. So much so that he shut down. When he was very young, he was more of the childish version of what he is now; dry wit and surprisingly sarcastic humour for a young one. But as a teen, something shifted. He didn't talk as much, and he was more skittish than he'd ever been since. People always told him how handsome he was or how accomplished, but it never felt like the truth to him. And it was because he felt ashamed of himself.

Of course it wasn't due to his being a mage. In Tevinter, that's all one  _should_ be. So he was told. His shame came from another place, a place he didn't speak of for a long time. It was a strange time for him, but then something happened. Dorian put it down to his growing anger with the breeding methods of his country, but there surely were other reasons. Some day, one day, he just couldn't take it anymore. He snapped to a degree, and though the sadness was still there somehow, he accepted himself. And accepted the difficulties that would follow.

And this is who he became. The little armour of sass and humour became his norm, the way he handled situations. He'd always had that humour, but sometimes it dwindled down and exposed something he wasn't proud of. He never liked vulnerability, because it reminded him of times when all he felt was vulnerable. When his armour broke, he felt young again. He shut down again. 

Like he had over Alex.

Now, as he headed up the stairs to Alexander's quarters, he felt like he was on the edge of his younger self and his newer practices. He'd reigned himself in to a certain degree, but it still felt unbalanced.

Dorian didn't knock. Why would he? It seemed useless to him now, what with where he and Alexander stood relationship wise. He simply opened the door and claimed the last little set of stairs with his tell-tale smirk. Alexander was just taking a drink from something he clearly wasn't a fan of, and he made a little face as Dorian leaned on the railing. "The invalid rises," Dorian said.

Alexander's head snapped up and he turned to Dorian with a grin. As good a grin as his bruised face could give. He reclined on a set of pillows in bed, shirtless but outrageously bandaged, and Dorian could just make out all his body's bruises. He still looked stunning though, and it made Dorian's little grin turn more sincere.

"Hi," Alexander said gently.

"Not enjoying your breakfast in bed?" Dorian asked, gesturing with his chin to the glass on the bedside table.

Alex gave it a brief glance and frowned. "It's something they made that apparently will give me strength. It tastes horrible, as if they mashed vegetables up and put it in a glass."

"Yum," Dorian smirked.

"Have some, I beg you," Alex joked lightly.

Dorian shook his head and chuckled. "How are we feeling?"

Alex smiled and gave a slight sigh. "Stiff. And sore. I thank the Maker that's it though."

"Mm, indeed," Dorian mumbled, waltzing into the room casually, heading for the chair that still remained at Alex's bedside. As he sauntered over he could feel Alex watching him, but Dorian actually didn't dare look back. He felt fragile. Seeing Alex awake was...after seeing him so hurt it felt so...

Dorian sat down and Alex continued to smile at him. "You're oddly cheery for being so banged up," said Dorian, finally meeting Alex's gaze.

Alex blushed. "I'm just...I'm happy to see you. And glad to see that  _you're_ alright."

"Me?"

"Yes," Alex said. "I don't remember much after I got...taken down. I was worried that my failure could mean that--"

"You didn't fail," Dorian said, holding up a hand and interrupting Alex before he could get all righteous. Dorian adored the boy, but every now and then Alex got a bit too martyr-like for him. "Don't for a second start thinking you let anyone down."

But Alex was frowning, and he shook his head softly. "Were you with me? When they brought me in. When they brought me back."

Dorian gave a vague nod. "I was."

"How did everyone seem?"

"Worried, mostly."

"But shocked," Alex stated, as if he'd been aware of it all. "Shocked that I could fall. It's shaken their faith in me."

"Oh Alex," Dorian sighed. "Don't worry about that right now. If their faith is shaken because you took a tumble then they need to take their heads out of their asses." Alex smirked and Dorian leaned forward. "You're not invincible. Don't let them make you feel as if you must be."

Alex looked away, but Dorian reached out and put his warm hand over Alex's. His skin felt cool and a little dry, but Dorian squeezed it all the same. And suddenly Alex looked back with a smirk. "Were  _you_ worried?"

Dorian laughed. "How quickly you're cheered," he mused, making Alex smile wider. "Why? Would it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside if I told you I was?"

"It might."

Dorian laughed again, but it wasn't his usual 'brushing it off' laugh. He was nervous. Embarrassed. "How that pride must be pleased. I was telling Varric that you were too stubborn to die so easily."

Alex chuckled. "Sounds like something you'd say."

"That's what Varric said," Dorian said, earning another laugh from Alex as he leaned back in the chair. "Maybe I should be worried. It sounds like I'm getting predictable."

"You? Never," Alex smiled. They looked at each other with oddly sheepish grins for a moment, as if this were their first flirting session all over again, as if they both felt the same unspoken love..."So were you worried?" Alex asked softly, sincerely. The humour had left his voice, the little wry joke, and now he was genuinely wondering. Maybe he did want the little boost to his pride, and maybe sometimes he liked to feel worried over.

Sometimes.

Particularly by Dorian.

Dorian took a long sigh and rolled his eyes playfully, as if he were about to joke, but instead he scooted the chair closer and took Alex's hand again. Staring into his eyes as if about to tell him something very problematic, Dorian spoke. "Alex. I was terrified."

"Really?"

"To death, Alex. To absolute death." Dorian blinked a moment and looked down, watching his tanned hand fold over Alex's pale fingers. "I told you that I've never really let myself feel this way about anyone. I...panicked. It was foolish of me, but I immediately started telling myself 'Oh look, Dorian. Look what happens when you let yourself care.' I couldn't stand the idea that you..."

Maker, he couldn't say it! Two voices seemed to be battling in Dorian's mind, one screaming at him to shut up and another begging him to confess. But he couldn't. He just...stopped. Froze. Blanked out.

Alex tried to sit up a little straighter, taking his hand from under Dorian's and gripping the older man's fingers instead. "You don't have to say any more."

Dorian sighed and looked up, plastering that smirk on his lips. But his eyes still echoed with the whispers of unspoken sincerity. "What a sap I am for you," he breathed.

Alex just grinned and pulled Dorian's hand closer, as if trying to yank Dorian himself. Dorian laughed when he realized and he stood up in a sort of crouch, bent over Alex and placed a soft, elegant, yet needy kiss on Alex's lips. His eyes shut tight as if he relished the feeling of Alex breathing, moving beneath him. He thanked every deity that was ever thought to exist in that moment.

But Alex winced and broke the kiss, taking in a sharp and shallow breath. Dorian pulled back. "What?"

"Sorry," Alex said looking right royally aggravated. "Damned face and...my ribs they're just..." He sighed a sigh that sounded something like a groan, and Dorian pulled back further to look down on the poor injured specimen.

"Don't get angry about it," Dorian told him. "Healers can only do so much before the magic won't take anymore. They most likely healed your bones, and now it's just the bruises and muscle."

"Great," Alex said like a bitter little boy.

Dorian smirked and sat back down in the chair. "My, you are having quite a lot of mood swings today."

Alex sighed and laid back heavily on the pillows. "I haven't been bed ridden since...It's not something common for me."

"You're not one prone to sitting for long amounts of time," Dorian noted. Then he laughed. "I remember that day you were stalking me in the library. You were so bored so easily, fidgeting in your chair, flipping through pages at an alarming rate."

Alex slowly smiled. "I'm not a researching type of person."

"Clearly," Dorian said.

"I hate being useless," Alex admitted. "Sitting down for too long, even if my mind is active, feels like I'm wasting time. I always feel like I should be up _doing_ something."

Dorian crossed his legs. "Think of this as a tiny break then," he suggested. "If anyone deserves it, you do."

Alex frowned for a moment, thinking about all the idle time he'd spend sitting about, being babied. He hated being babied, even as he'd wanted Dorian to admit he'd been worried. Worry was different than pity. But soon Alex found himself chuckling a little. "Maker knows I can't show my face in Orlais looking like this."

"Oh I don't know," Dorian mused. "Could shake them up a bit. Let them see what the Inquisition is really doing outside of their lavish parties."

"I don't think I want that kind of attention there," Alex said. "Not when there are assassination risks."

"Just for the Empress," Dorian scoffed jokingly. "Besides, attention might be good to have. Particularly from Orlais."

Alex gave a slight shrug, cautiously moving his damaged body. "Josephine is terrified of my making a scene, I think."

"Surely you know how to handle political, noble nonsense," said Dorian.

"To a degree," Alex said. "Orlais sounds different. But it won't matter much if I'm stuck here."

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Relax," he said, getting up and coming to sit on the edge of the bed beside Alex. It made the boy blush, and Dorian leaned over him. "Celene is only at risk during the ball so you have time. Don't be so grumpy about it. You're starting to sound like me."

Alex laughed but winced.

"See? That's your body's way of saying 'shut up,'" Dorian jibbed.

"No," Alex said. "It's my body's way of reacting to  _you_. Maybe  _you_ should shut up."

Dorian grinned. "I could probably manage that," and still smiling he bent down to kiss Alex again. 

This is all they needed today, he decided. A little bit of cheering up, and nothing too serious to ruin the moment. They'd both been through enough lately, Dorian thought, and it was a good enough excuse for him to continue being sarcastic and calm instead of emotional and intense. He let some of it out, which was enough, and he'd rather see Alex smiling that frowning at Dorian's sincerity. He knew that someday, Dorian would have to come out with it. Or...he could wait until Alex said it first.

That was a better idea to him.

But Alex was safe at least. Alive and on the mend, and that's all Dorian wanted for today. He stopped overthinking his emotions and he stopped dreamily wondering about what the future held or how he would ever manage after the battle was won. Dorian wanted to pretend everything was as it always had been. Just a little bit of normal would suffice.


	6. Not So Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Dorian was dealing with his own inner turmoil, it became clear to see that Alexander also had some struggles. Regardless of all the healing, it would take time for Alex to fully recover. Time Alex felt he didn't have.

The next morning greeted Alexander with the fresh smell of breakfast at his little table, the sound of people working outside and a gentle breeze in the distance, and the sight of Dorian languidly leaning on the stair railing. It brightened his morning to find Dorian already up and visiting him, and the comfort of his presence made Alex feel as if he may just still be the same person as before. After all, Dorian's company was a regular occurrence, so maybe things could still be regular.

Dorian sat with Alex as he ate, making idle chit chat and making the bruised warrior grin. He wasn't exactly a nurse, but Dorian knew when someone needed something. For Alex, that something was a distraction. When Dorian left Alex the night before, he decided that the best way he could help, and the best way he could keep  _himself_ occupied, was to entertain Alex for his relaxation interval. Dorian knew Alexander wouldn't handle the idle life very well. It wasn't in his nature to stay still, even when he wasn't injured. Now? Alex would have the annoyance factor of both doing nothing  _and_ being forced into it.

So Dorian kept him company. They played cards after Alex was done eating, something Dorian was much better at than Alex. Varric had been giving Alex lessons on the side, teaching him how to strategize with the game because Alex's strategizing ended on the battle field. He could think quick and plan manoeuvres, but when trying to find out if someone was cheating or what cards another person had...Alex was no rogue. So Dorian decided to keep at the lessons, trying to give Alex hints and smirking when the lad got annoyed with the help. He was determined to get things on his own, and after a time he was doing rather well, but soon Dorian saw the tedium start sneaking into Alex's face.

So they moved on. Dorian read to Alex for a while, even going so far as to snuggle close to him on the bed and let Alex lean his head on Dorian's shoulder. It was, as Alex would put it, a romantic image, but Dorian wasn't as against it as he'd anticipated. In fact, once he got into the rhythm of the book and the words on the page, he started to relish the sensation of Alex's weight beside him. Not on top of him or beneath him, just...side by side. Alex was warm, and his breathing was so calm and collected, so controlled. It was almost hypnotizing, and Dorian sunk into his own sense of ease. When Alexander dozed off, Dorian just continued to read quietly to himself, letting Alex sleep and watching him a little too much.

When he woke they shared lunch, which was brought up with a smile from a servant and a visit from Cassandra. She looked only slightly surprised to see Dorian present, and after a little moment of conversation (which was mainly business for Alex) she meandered off and left them to their isolation. But her visit had perturbed Alex, who was then rather sullen and unhappy about the fact that he couldn't be at the war table, or couldn't be checking in on certain events around Skyhold. Dorian tried to cheer him with funny stories or witty comments, but when that failed he just decided to kiss Alex. A lot.

It wasn't until the healers came in for a little check up that Dorian got off the bed, leaving Alex with red lips and a red face. They tested him out, poked and prodded him, and with Dorian's assistance they got Alex to stand. Bandaged as he was, Dorian couldn't really make out the extensive damage, but there was a massive dark spot spread all across Alex's hip, and when he stood it seemed to still cause him pain. That didn't surprise Dorian, but it aggravated him. He liked pretending they were just having a lazy day together. Seeing Alex's face wince in pain or hear his voice hiss brought the reality back all too harshly for Dorian. But he helped Alex meander out onto the balcony, and after getting him a chair to sit down if he needed to they spent the sunset sitting and talking. They looked down on the people below, Dorian making passing comments on the Inquisition armour, and soon the day was ending.

Alex and Dorian had spent more than enough time together to make up a day, but literally spending the day in each other's company was...interesting. Alex seemed to enjoy it with ease, but Dorian...this wasn't his kind of romance. He wasn't used to anything akin to domesticity with someone, but he cared about Alex. And it wasn't boring. In fact, even when Alex slept and all Dorian did was read he wasn't bored. He could have read somewhere else on his own, but he didn't want to. Even though Alex was out cold, Dorian was perfectly happy in his sleeping company. And that's what surprised him most about the day. How easy it had been. And when Alex suggested Dorian come keep him company again tomorrow, there was no hesitation on Dorian's lips when he agreed.

It was frightening to Dorian, if only by a fraction. The fright Alex had given him was still quite real in his heart, and every reminder of it made him panic slightly as if he knew there was something he had to do but he didn't want to do it. He made a strange oath to himself, one he was barely aware of, that he would pull back. That he would start to play it safe  _now_ on the off-chance...on the off-chance that Alex left. One way or another.

And yet Dorian continued to come back to the sweet feeling of Alex laying beside him, head on his shoulder. Or Dorian would recall something witty Alex said and he'd find himself grinning while staring into space. It was nice. Terrifying and doubt-creating, but nice. And maybe Dorian could ignore the bad things for now, for Alex's sake, and keep playing that sweet pretend.

However, the next morning, when Dorian mounted the stairs into Alexander's bright quarters, the strange excitement he felt at another day of relaxing drifted away.

Alex was dressed. He sat on the edge of his bed, looking perfectly decent for visitors, with his arm in some strange sling as he tried to pull on his boots. 

Dorian raised a brow. "Good morning?" he said.

Alex looked up and gave a smile, but it looked stiff. It looked aggravated. "Morning," he said with forced cheerfulness.

Dorian swept a hand over Alex's person. "And what are we doing now?"

"Cassandra beat you to me this morning," Alex said, going back to the business of attempting to dress himself. "As did the healers."

"And...they told you to get up like a little ray of sunshine?" Dorian mused, walking slowly over to stand above Alex as he struggled. 

At last, Alex got one boot on. He looked up at Dorian, the bruise on his face perhaps starting to shrink a little, and set his jaw. "There's too much for me to do to justify laying about."

"But you're injured," Dorian countered as if Alex were being absolutely ridiculous. Which he somewhat was.

"Hence the sling," Alex said. "The healers are pleased with my progress. And I only have a slight limp when I walk so-"

"You have a limp?" Dorian asked.

"I walked about this morning as a test," Alex explained, causing Dorian to frown. "I'm doing well. It's time I get back out there."

Dorian scoffed. "You had one day, Alex. Hardly much of an absence."

"Enough to be noticed," Alex said, going back to his boots. "People are going to start talking. There are still rumours that I'm dead, and everyone is covering it up."

"Well give a speech from your balcony," Dorian suggested. "That will clear things up. And you won't have to leave the comfort of your room." Dorian smiled, but Alex didn't even look up at him. "You are not completely healed, Alex. You must know that." Still, Alex didn't reply. Finally, Dorian sighed. "Alright. What shook you?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asked half-heartedly as he yanked his other boot up with one hand.

Dorian put his hands on his hips. "I'm guessing this moment of defiance was brought on by something. Or someone." Alex looked up briefly before adjusting his clothing absently. "Alex. Don't make me the nagging nan."

"Then don't be," Alex snapped, sitting up straight and fast. Too fast. He grimaced and Dorian glowered at him. "Stop," Alex warned. "I don't need you to be my...my _nan_. My nurse. I don't need anyone to be. I'm not a child."

"Well you're acting like one." 

Dorian wished he could take those words back. It was too easy for him to just say the first thing that came into his mind, and Alex glared at him. Dorian sighed and deflated his puffed up chest. "Alex..."

But Alex was standing. He had a difficult time, and Dorian would have moved forward to help, but he could only imagine Alex swatting his hand away and being defiant. He gave Dorian one last little glare before limping lightly towards the stairs. Dorian rolled his eyes. "You don't want to be babied, and yet you're going to give me the silent treatment?" he called. Alex didn't respond. He just started to limp down the stairs, holding the railing tight with his good hand.

"Would you at least  _tell_ me why this passion arose?" Dorian called after him, still standing there almost rooted in place.

"I'm not a recluse!" Alex yelled, his disembodied voice echoing from the stairwell. It was an obvious hit at Dorian, and it made him roll his eyes and listen to the sound of the door slamming shut. _Something_ had spooked Alex, like a mouse spooks a horse. Whether it was something Cassandra had said this morning before Dorian's arrival, or even a simple anger at being hurt, something pissed Alex off. And that was a rare occurrence. Dorian actually couldn't recall a time when Alex was genuinely angry. Even when confronting a criminal, Alex usually kept his head.

It was a bit of hurt pride, Dorian realized as he stood there in the silence. Alex was modest when it came to everyone's opinions of him. But his opinion of himself? Alex was his toughest judge. And being taken out of the field, Dorian gathered, was most likely the worst thing for someone like Alex.

***

"And we'll move them across the ridge here, out to the-" Cullen stopped as the door to the war room opened loudly. Shoulders back, head up, and a slight limp, Alex marched in with a false smile plastered to his lips. He looked pale, and the bruise on his cheek was still more then obvious, and the sling around his shoulder only added to the invalid look.

"Inquisitor," Leliana said in surprise as Alex walked over.

Cassandra eyed him cautiously. "You did not need to rouse yourself."

"It's alright," Alex said softly. "I think it is important I get back on my feet. I need to stay knowledgable with what's going on here."

Josephine looked at Leliana, and Cassandra stared across at Cullen, and then they all switched.

Alex sighed. "I'm alright," he said again. "Fill me in."

Cullen cleared his throat. "Of course. We...were just discussing the movement of troops outside of Crestwood. They could still use some aid, but we're getting pressure from the Wardens  _and_ remaining demons."

"I closed as many Rifts as I could," Alex said.

"No one is saying you did not do your part," Leliana said. "My agents describe small clusters of remaining demons on the outskirts of Crestwood. They do not seem to be pressing forward."

"But we need to deal with them all the same," Cullen said. He leaned across the table. "I can send a few troops in, along with Leliana's agents, and they can help clear out the last of them."

"Then we lose support from the Hinterlands," Alex said.

"My reports say they are doing much better for the Inquisition presence," Josephine put in. "We should lose no hold with a few less soldiers."

"Besides, they'll all be needed soon enough I feel," Cullen said. "We were mapping out your route to the Western Approach a moment ago. Hawke and Stroud should be meeting you there."

"You anticipate problems?" Alex wondered.

Cullen pursed his lips a moment. "Not right away. But I can only imagine things will get worse."

Leliana chuckled. "Always such a pessimist, Commander," she said, making him roll his eyes. She turned to Alex. "Allow me to send scouts ahead to the Approach, Inquisitor. Harding would most likely be able to give you a better report."

"That's not a bad idea," Cullen said.

"That way if there is need for support," Cassandra said, "we will have time to consider it."

"Exactly," Cullen said. He leaned towards the marker on the map that showed Alex a very expansive desert. Even on parchment it looked unpleasant. "Once Leliana gets us a better layout of the land, we can send a few soldier ahead to set up a camp."

"I can contact a few old friends on the outskirts of the Approach," Josephine added, leaning over as well to point at a vague destination on the map. "Any help they can offer the Inquisition in our scouting would be a great boon."

"Who could you possibly know?" Cassandra smirked. "The Approach looks like a wasteland."

Josephine smirked. "I know many people."

"Well we'll have the scouts go through this route first," Leliana said. "Any help is welcome, but not necessary."

"Just find a way to get us a foothold," Alex said. "I would prefer you take the securest route. I don't want you to take any risks."

"Risks are a part of life," Leliana said.

Cullen leaned forward. "There's a small path around the last few cliffs before the desert," he said. "That would be a good way to start at least."

"Or here as well, to avoid the-" Alex reached forward, forgetting completely that his arm was both in a sling and in absolute agony. He cried out louder than he thought was necessary, but the sensation of his arm pulling at his ribs actually stole his breath. He staggered back, a sensation like burning and pressure raking his side as Cassandra reached out to steady him. Alex actually felt like he may just fall, but he fought it hard. He reached for the table and braced himself against it as far too many hands reached to help him.

"I'm fine! I'm fine..." Alex kept saying, but people kept touching him, kept helping him...

***

Dorian paced very lightly before the doors leading to the War room. Well, before the doors leading to Josephine's _office_ leading to the war room. There wasn't exactly a look of panic or unhappiness on his sharp features, and to all the world he looked simply lost in elegant thoughts that kept his chin up and his eyes dreamy.

But Varric could see the slight wry smirk playing at Dorian's lips, and when he walked over Varric was already chuckling. "So," he said approaching. "Might I ask what it is you're doing down here when you should be with a certain injured party?"

"Oh, but our brave Inquisitor is up and about," Dorian said saucily. "Didn't you hear? He's miraculously better."

"After a day of rest?" Varric spat.

"Exactly," Dorian said, unclasping his hands from behind his back. He gave a sigh. "I think his skull is a little thicker than I thought."

"How do you figure?" Varric asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Dorian waved a hand towards the war room in the unseen distance. "Maker forbid he lets anyone see him weakened. He seems to be under the impression that any sign of fault takes away all his strength or courage. He takes one fall and feels he's failed the Inquisition." Varric laughed and Dorian frowned at him. "What?" 

"No no," Varric said, putting his hands up in surrender and smiling knowingly to himself. "I think I'll keep that thought to myself." Before Dorian could demand answers Varric spoke again. "So what exactly are you doing pacing out here then? Shouldn't you be getting back to your usual isolation if Alex is up at at it?"

Dorian gave a bitter chuckle. "No. I'm waiting."

Varric frowned. "For?"

Alexander's cry of sudden pain echoed from the war room, managing to sneak through the thick stone walls and hit Dorian and Varric's ears.

"That," Dorian said as if this inconvenienced him. He pointed at the door with an unimpressed look.

Varric sighed. "Shit."

Dorian was already pushing the door aside, walking boldly through Josephine's little space and up the small steps to the war room. The large main doors were just opening as Dorian approached, and out stumbled Cullen and Cassandra with Alex between them, face in a grimace, and looking quite pale.

"Give me the idiot," Dorian said almost wearily, holding out his arms. Cassandra was the first to pass Alex over, but Cullen kept to the other side and they struggled to get Alex down the hallway and out into the main hold. Luckily, it wasn't as crowded as usual, and the only people to see Alex come through this way were Varric and a few serving women.

"I will find the healers," Cassandra said as Cullen and Dorian slipped Alex up the stairs to his quarters. Leliana and Josephine had been hovering behind as well, but they stood in the main hall with frowns and pity as Alex grunted and hissed his way up the steps. All the time he constantly informed everyone that he was fine, as if reassuring not just them but himself.

With a surprising amount of agile maneuvering, Dorian and Cullen got Alex back up into his room and set him down softly on his bed. Dorian helped Alex to lay back on the pillows, trying to support him as best he could, and Cullen stepped back with a sigh.

"Don't sigh," Alex scolded. His throat sounded sore, raw, most likely from holding back regular shouts of pain. "I'm-"

"If you say you are fine one more time, Alexander, I swear on whatever swear I can swear on, I will hex your mouth shut," Dorian warned.

Alex shut up, but he gave Dorian a glare that told the older man he was in trouble.

Cullen looked between the two of them a moment before stepping forward. "Inquisitor, you needn't feel obliged to rush back into service," Cullen said. "It can take time to heal, both physical and mental injuries."

Alex scoffed. "Coming from the man who ran right back into service after the Fereldan Circle fell?" 

Cullen actually pulled back at the verbal slap. He hadn't ever known Alex to be so...vindictive?

Dorian gave Cullen's arm a playful swat. "Don't mind him," he said, eyeing Alex with disapproval. "He gets mean when he's cranky."

Cullen pursed his lips and let his brows fall low over his eyes. With another, stiffer sigh he wandered towards the stairs. "I think I'll see how Cassandra is doing with the healers," he mumbled, marching down the stairs and closing the door tight.

Alex let out a breath that seemed to be one he'd been holding. "That was pleasant of you," Dorian scolded lightly, but Alex just looked away from him and sighed out another breath. It shook, and Dorian sat on the edge of the bed beside him. "It's not going to be that easy," Dorian said gently.

"What do you know?" Alex immediately snapped, but when Dorian didn't go anywhere, Alex sighed again.

Dorian smirked. "Can't chase me off by being a right royal little shit. I know you too well."

Alex's angry look finally drifted away, replaced by a melancholic thoughtfulness that Dorian didn't like on such a youthful face.

"What set you off?" Dorian asked. Alex looked further away and Dorian just scooted closer. "Something triggered you to suddenly be all high and mighty. As I recall, we had a lovely relaxing day yesterday.  _Something_ ruined you."

"I'm not ruined, I just-" Alex stopped and looked away, gritting his teeth. It made his strong jawline look even stronger, and Dorian waited patiently. "Cassandra trying to explain to me what has been going on...She fumbled over it all without the others. Without the layouts from the war room. I don't have the time to lay here and pretend like everything will just stop for me."

Dorian shrugged. "Well so far nothing chatastrophic has happened. Well nothing  _new_."

"Dorian," Alex warned.

"Alright, I know," Dorian said, leaning over Alex sweetly. He put a cheesy little grin on his face in an attempt to get Alex to copy it. "You're worried that, if you sit out for too long, the world will end. There's so much on those shoulders, and it's only when you stop that you feel it."

Alex looked at Dorian for perhaps the first time in their little conversation. He blinked at him, surprised. "Yes," Alex breathed. "You...That's...perfectly described."

"Mmm," Dorian said, as if it should have been obvious. "I know the feeling."

Alex looked confused a moment, but then he was frowning. "Oh."

"Yes.  _Oh._ " Dorian raised a brow. "I know what it feels like to have something heavy and hard resting on your shoulders. You think that if you keep doing all you can to fix the issue, or in my case ignore it, everything will be fine. But if you stop to think, or stop to  _stop_ thinking, there it all is. Like a big ugly pile of shit in your well-kept garden."

Alex chuckled and immediately clutched his side with a grimace. "I hate this part too," he hissed.

Dorian tried to keep his smile up. "Yes. You have the worst of it all. But a little weakness is nothing to be ashamed of." And then it hit Dorian. The reason Varric had laughed at him. That bloody dwarf...Dorian described Alexander's suffering in the same way anyone else would describe Dorian's own situation. All this talk about accepting weaknesses, accepting truths, and here Dorian was trying to desperately ignore his own feelings. He'd have to deal with that eventually, but now wasn't the time.

But Alex was looking at him with puppy-like eyes and Dorian was lost back in the moment. "Do you think that...people think less of me now?" Alex asked.

"I really, very highly doubt it," Dorian said. "Besides, have we not already had this conversation? You will be fine, and they will be fine, and the world goes on. Honestly, I'm more surprised this is the first injury with all the outrageous things that have happened to you. You've either got incredible luck, or someone is looking out for you."

"I believe it's both," Alex said. He reached forward cautiously with his fingers, trying to brush at Dorian's hand. "And I believe I've more than one person looking out for me."

Dorian grinned against his better judgement. "Such things you say." Alex's smile was a good reward for Dorian breaking the little oath he'd made to himself.

The healers arrived with surprising calm, helping Alex get the sling off from around his shoulder and checking to make sure he hadn't undone all their work. According to them, he'd simply reawakened the pain from the injury by overdoing it. Much to Alex's dismay. Once the healers had done all they could, leaving another bottle of something or other for Alex to take if he felt more pain, they scuttled off and left Dorian and Alex alone for a while. For that time, they talked softly to each other, apologizing for this and that which was said in anger, and ending in the suggestion that Dorian go find a deck of cards.

Dorian left Alexander with a soft kiss, feeling the pang of it in his chest, and as he left he was greeted on the stairs by Josephine.

"Ambassador," Dorian said in passing. He paused, hoping she would stop to chat at him (and explain where she was going) but she seemed agitated.

Excited?

She nodded at him in greeting, pausing in her steps. "Lord P-"

"If you call me Lord, Josephine..." Dorian stopped her.

She smirked a rather wicked little grin he noticed she could give every now and then. "Dorian."

"Something special to discuss with his Royal Difficulty?" Dorian mused.

Josephine smiled politely. "Just a small matter. Nothing to concern yourself over." She turned with a small bow, signalling the end of their conversation, but then she paused. It made him look back. "Although. There may be something I wish to discuss with you momentarily."

"I'll be back this way," he said casually.

"I thought as much," Josephine said with a little smile. She turned and headed up the last few steps, knocking kindly before entering. Dorian chuckled and made his way out into the hall. He lazily meandered over to Varric, who sat writing furiously at his little self-claimed table by the fire.

"Diligently working on a new book I gather?" Dorian wondered. "Perhaps with a bit more depth than...well,  _all_ of them."

Varric chuckled. "Keep talking like that and I'll put you in it." He looked up and stopped in his work. "You seem better."

"Better than?" Dorian asked.

"Better than you've been the last little while."

Dorian frowned and pulled out a chair. "About that, actually."

"Uh oh."

Dorian gave a small chuckle. "Don't panic. I won't bite. I'm...curious about what you  _didn't_ say earlier. When I was waiting for what would inevitably befall our Inquisitor."

Varric was smiling self-righteously. "You want to know what I was thinking, don't you."

"I'm fairly sure I know," Dorian said stiffly. "I was simply wondering if you had the nerve to say it aloud."

Varric folded his hands on top of the table and leaned forward, as if this were going to be good. Dorian matched his position and waited. "Give Alexander some slack," Varric said simply.

Dorian cocked his head to the side. "That's it? I'm shocked and appalled, dwarf! Afraid I can't take your criticism of me?"

"That's not it at all, Sparkler," Varric said. His grin drifted away. "I'll be blunt. You need to listen to your own advice."

Dorian took a slow breath in. "Explain."

"You call him every name in the book whenever he can't handle something," Varric explained. "But does he do the same to you? Do you think he keeps anything back from you?"

"He certainly tries to," Dorian scoffed.

"He feels weakened by this," Varric said. "Didn't you?"

"I wasn't injured," Dorian immediately argued.

"Not physically," Varric said sharply. Dorian leaned back in his chair and stared Varric down. "Listen," Varric went on. "You care about the kid. And for some reason that pisses you off. That's why you swear at him like a cheap...It's why you don't take his mood swings lightly. Cause they're yours too. Weakness isn't in his vocabulary, just as it isn't in yours, but it happens to us all. You mock him for being so stubborn about it all. But take a look at yourself first."

"Are you almost done analyzing me?" Dorian wondered. "Or will this take all day?"

"Laugh it up, Dorian," Varric said. It made Dorian pause. He didn't usually use names..."But eventually, you're gonna have to come to terms with it all. Because if  _he_ doesn't remember your tiny meltdown, the rest of us sure do."

"I've told Alex I understand," Dorian said, leaning back in and losing his cool. "He knows I know what feeling broken down feels like."

"Does he?" Varric asked. "My guess is he knows what you went through  _before_. Don't you think he deserves to know what you're going through  _now_?"

Dorian narrowed his eyes. "Are you telling me to be more accepting of Alex's situation? Or are you telling me to explain...something else?"

Varric smiled. "Both, Sparkler. Both."


	7. The Hot Springs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relaxation is a difficult thing when the world is in chaos, but a warm and soothing soak both calms and exposes a hectic mind.

The sun was barely up. The sky was still that strange, milky blue shade of early morning, but Josephine had decided that would be best. The less people awake, the better.

The courtyard of Skyhold was uncharacteristically empty, which Alex was actually grateful for. Regardless of getting over his anger from yesterday and regardless of his slightly better attitude, Alex still wasn't too keen on the whole weakness issue.

He had felt a little better over it after getting into bed again...and after having Dorian spend more time with him. It was easier to accept being weakened, being forced into bed, when he had someone as bright and distracting as Dorian by his side. Any time Alex got bitter or any time he got frustrated, Dorian was a ray of sunshine. It was different for him, but it helped. Somehow Dorian, who was the epitome of keeping things inside, made Alex feel a little more at ease about his injuries. But Dorian's little jokes still came up, and Alex still frowned at his mockery.

"How did you hear about this again?" Alexander asked Josephine as they moved slowly down the steps and into the courtyard. Josephine kindly kept her hands away from helping him, but she was ready to launch out and assist if the moment came. Though whether she could support the hulking mass of Inquisitor, she wasn't sure.

Josephine gave him a smile. "I recalled your humorous desire for a marble tub and a warm bath."

Alex chuckled softly. He was sore and tired and still rather damaged. He was still impressed with how fast he  _was_ actually healing, thanks to all the magical assistance, but the aches and stiffness still lingered. "I seem to recall you managed that," he told her as they rounded the corner to yet another set of stairs.

"Well, I had my ways, of course," Josephine said. "But during my exploration into that particular request, I came across this boon. With the help of Leliana's agents."

Alex gave her a look. "And the healers agreed with you?"

"Of course," Josephine said. "There is a soothing quality to the springs that will both calm and...destress your...well your..."

"Injuries," Alex smirked.

"Yes," said Josephine. "Injuries." She guided him towards the gates, where one lone soldier stood with the reigns of a horse in her hand. She gave Alex a courteous smile and a tiny bow, and handed the reins to Josephine before walking off.

Alex watched her go with a furrowed brow. With a sigh he turned to Josephine. "I...don't believe I have the strength to..." He gestured to the horse and Josephine looked between the animal and Alex.

"Oh, of course," Josephine said. She gave a little smile that boarded dangerously on a smirk. Alex didn't trust Josephine smirking. It wasn't natural for her, at least from what he knew about her. Her eyes were twitchy as well, and she shifted her weight back and forth.

He frowned. "And...I don't know the way. I should have a guide."

"You will have one," she said simply. "Of course."

Alex sighed and looked at her with an unimpressed stare. "And do you not think I should have some kind of...guard?"

"Yes," said Josephine, and her eyes darted to a distant place behind Alex. "You will have all three. Combined into one."

Alexander turned around, curious, but then he rolled his eyes and groaned. Dorian sauntered across the yard with a grin, pulling on his gloves and looking very smug and satisfied. "Good morning, darling," he cooed as he approached. "How are we today?"

Alex turned around and glared at Josephine. "It had to be him?"

She shrugged. "I assumed he would be the best choice of companion," Josephine defended. 

"She picked me so your poor pride wouldn't be dented any further," Dorian said, adjusting his staff as it was strapped to his back.

"And your mockery is going to help that?" Alex asked, raising the brow that was still darkened by a bruise.

Josephine cleared her throat. "If...you prefer, I could send one of Cullen's troops instead."

Alex sighed and hung his head as Dorian crossed his arms over his chest. "No," Alex said. "I'm just..."

Dorian came to stand beside him and put a gentle hand on his back. "Let's go calm that stressful mind." Alex gave another sigh but cast Dorian a soft smile. Dorian moved towards the horse, bent his knees, and laced his fingers together. "C'mon."

Josephine put a hand over her lips and took a step back. Alexander's momentary grin vanished fast, and his brows hung low over his eyes. "What. Are you doing?" Alex asked.

Dorian cleared his throat and stood immediately. "I was offering...Never mind. Onwards to the hot springs, yes?"

"Were you just offering to help me onto the horse?" Alexander spat.

Silence.

Dorian tilted his head to the side and looked down a moment. "Should I not have?" he finally asked.

Alex stepped forward with purpose. "Give me this one last moment of dignity," he said. "If I'm going to have to listen to your quips all the while, at least give me this." Alex reached for the saddle but Dorian stopped him.

He moved close and whispered. "I will say nothing for the entirety of this trip if you demand," Dorian said softly, staring into Alex's eyes and watching as they cooled. "We talked about this."

Alex frowned. They had talked about this. Dorian had noted how easy it was for Alex to twist suddenly into a foul humour. He wasn't a man easily aggravated, and most of the time Alexander was a bright light in a dark cave. But lately it had been harder.

Dorian cast Josephine a quick glance before looking back at Alex. "It's only us here, no need to be so skittish. Let me help you. Just this once. And if you'd like, I'll never help again."

Alexander gave a chuckle and Dorian grinned. "Alright, fine," Alex snapped half-heartedly. He half pulled himself up, and half allowed Dorian to give him a slight boost.

"You're going to have to sit a bit back there," Dorian said.

Alex groaned. "Maker's breath, you're sitting in front of me, aren't you," he realized.

Dorian chuckled. "I've been looking forward to it all morning." Alex moved back with another roll of his eyes and Dorian hoisted himself into the saddle with ease. "Hold on to me," he said, looking at Alex over his shoulder and winking.

Josephine was wringing her hands. "Are you sure I should not send a secondary group along with you?" she said. "I understand your desire for secrecy, Inquisitor, but I worry that..."

"Calm yourself, Ambassador," Dorian said, holding up his hand to stop her concern. "I swear he shall come to no harm."

Alex groaned. "May we just go?"

Dorian laughed and spurred the horse on, turning it round and heading through the gates at a slow trot. Alex's arm came around Dorian's waist and Dorian could feel him sigh in his ear. "Don't be so dramatic," Dorian said as they made their way across the bridge. "It's just us. You don't have to be embarrassed with me."

"Don't I?" Alex wondered bitterly.

"No," Dorian said before Alex could keep going on this little road of pity. "You know I only tease you so that you'll see how foolish it is, how small it is."

"It doesn't feel small."

"I know that," Dorian replied. "But it's how everyone else sees it. A minor set back, a small delay in the grand scheme of it all. And this will help today."

Alex leaned over Dorian's shoulder slightly to peer on ahead. "Do you actually know where we are going?"

Dorian nodded. "I've a map if we need it," he explained. "But I gave it a good look last night after Josephine brought it to me. It's really quite close, I'm surprised we didn't find it before."

"Just don't get us lost," Alex chided gently, and Dorian rolled his eyes as they rode on. They went slowly, Dorian being a little overly cautious with the invalid behind him. Alex spent the short ride looking here and there, staring into the sky as the sun rose higher and higher, brightening the blue until it almost felt warm. The snow was thicker as they made their way down a little hill, but the horse was determined. Bred for such difficult terrain, the animal handled the hills and rocks better than Alex felt he could on foot.

And soon, the sight of steam and the growing sensation of warmth gave way to a slightly open cave that was dripping with hot water. A little waterfall crashed against polished rocks, the hot stream coming from somewhere deeper in the mountains. Both Alex and Dorian were pleasantly surprised, and both were rather eager to test the waters.

"Nature is such an amazing force," Dorian breathed as the horse trotted into the little alcove as far as it would go. There was a ring of damp rock all around the large pool of water, but the snow dripped and stuck just beyond. It looked slippery, and as Dorian dismounted he watched his footing. Before he could reach back to even ask Alex if he needed a hand, the determined man came down from the saddle and did just what Dorian was worrying over.

Alex slipped, and with a little gasp he reached for Dorian. Planting his feet firm, he managed to catch Alex with an "oof" and a chuckle. "I was about to say," Dorian teased, righting Alex as he frowned. "Be careful. It's slippery."

"Alright, yes, thank you," Alex scolded.

"Now don't start," Dorian said, bending slightly to look into Alex's eyes. He was slouchy and unhappy, clearly, and Dorian would give anything to get that bruise off Alex's face. But Dorian cast him a little smile. "You're alright."

Alex sighed and tried to smile back, but it was pathetic. "I'm already so sick of this," he said.

"I know," Dorian cooed. "Come on. I feel like that waterfall has your name on it."

Alex finally gave a soft chuckle and they both walked cautiously into the little cave. The sound of the water splashing echoed even louder as the cool air outside seemed to vanish completely. Enough light came into the little cave to let Alex see where his feet went, but it was dark enough to be rather soothing. The water smelled a little strange, but Alex could already tell it would be warm and welcoming.

"It's a pity I have to be your personal guard," Dorian said, looking about as Alex started to take off his boots. "I'd much rather enjoy the water."

Alexander smiled wryly at him. "You'll be jealous in no time," he teased.

Dorian grinned a sideways grin. "There's the banter I missed." He leaned close and Alex paused in his undressing. But then he frowned.

"Would you mind giving me a hand?" Alex asked sheepishly. "The shirt is a little...trying."

Dorian smiled softly, warmly, and gave a nod. "Of course." 

Alex turned his back to Dorian and started to pull his top from the front. Dorian assisted by pulling the back, and soon they had it lifted over Alex's head. And he had no bandages on. And Dorian saw the bruise. "Mafarath's balls, Alex," Dorian said before he could stop the words. 

Alex gave a bitter chuckle and looked over his shoulder stiffly. "I imagine it's quite an interesting shade of black."

It was brown and yellow and blue and black. The bruise spread across Alex's side and up across his shoulder blade. Little yellow remnants blossomed over Alex's neck as well, and his entire side just looked covered in dirt. Only Dorian knew it wouldn't wash off. Alex turned and looked unhappy as he stared at Dorian, and Dorian finally realized that his own face must show all the shock and sadness he felt just looking at Alex.

Dorian shook his head slightly and took in a deep breath. "I don't mean to gawk," he said. "I've just not seen the brunt of the destruction. And now I feel like a complete ass for making such fun of you."

Alexander gave a soft shrug, mainly with his good shoulder, and looked away. "I honestly think I took your teasing worse than I should have," he admitted. "I've taken this all a little too poorly."

"Now I say you have a reason to," Dorian said.

Alex smiled lightly, and he reached out and gave Dorian's limp hand a squeeze. "Don't concern yourself," Alex said sweetly. "But also go away."

Dorian raised one finely kept brow. "Beg pardon?"

Alex laughed. "Go stand watch like a good guard, and let me bask."

Dorian rolled his eyes and gave a sigh. "Alright, fine," he groaned, walking off carefully to the cave entrance. "But I'll be absolutely livid all the way back to Skyhold. No hot springs and no show." He winked at Alex before going slightly around the corner and leaning against the cool rocky wall. Dorian listened to Alex's motions as he stripped down and cautiously made his way to the waterfall. "And don't slip!" Dorian called, his voice echoing off the walls.

"I'll be careful," Alex promised. And he stepped into the little waterfall's stream just as carefully as he'd walked over, but the moment the water hit his back he hissed and pulled away.

"What?" Dorian asked, turning his head and just barely seeing Alex in his peripheral vision.

"Nothing, sorry," Alex said. "It's hot. And it hurts a bit hitting my shoulder."

Dorian groaned. "What I wouldn't  _give_ to be you right now." He heard Alex scoff. "As in being in the water, not being bruised like a bad plum."

"Good clarification," Alex said, and he tried once more to ease his way into the water. This time he took it slower, letting the water brush his other side before moving the bruise under the stream. The water was just hot enough to send shivers across his cold skin, but not hot enough to burn, and soon he melted into the feeling with a satisfied moan. 

The water cascaded over his sore body like a balm, and Alex could feel his tense shoulders relax as he let his head hang back. He ran his hand through his hair, wetting it down and letting the warmth seep into his scalp. He sighed and moaned over and over as the chilly goosebumps left his skin and were replaced by the slickness of the water pouring over him.

And from the cave entrance, Dorian groaned again. "Would you please stop moaning? I don't know how to react to it!"

Alex laughed and turned around a bit to throw his voice out. "How do you mean?"

"Well I don't know if I should be jealous of how nice the water obviously is," Dorian spouted, "or aroused by all the sounds you're making."

Alex laughed again and ran a hand over his neck and face. "It just feels nice. I'm sorry."

"Mm. I bet it feels marvellous," Dorian said bitterly. "And meanwhile here I am shivering in the cold. If anyone needs warmth, it's me!"

Alexander shook his head softly, smiling to himself as Dorian grumbled outside. "Hothouse orchid," Alexander said to himself. But his voice echoed louder than he thought.

"What did you say?" Dorian asked.

"Nothing," Alex called with a smirk. "Just...I know you dislike the cold." He turned back around and leaned back a bit so the water could cover him better, but when he did he lost his footing, and with a sharp inhale he threw his hand at the wall and pulled his shoulder a bit too much.

Dorian heard Alex's gasp. "Did you slip again?" he called loudly.

"I'm alright," Alex said, straightening himself up again in the steady waterfall. "Just trying to reposition. The rocks are a little uneven here."

Dorian sighed. "Why don't you just get  _in_ the water? I'm sure it would feel better to be submerged anyway."

Alexander frowned and looked into the dark depths of the pool at his feet. "I'd rather the waterfall," he said, but the tone with which he spoke these words made Dorian's brows knit together.

"Why?" Dorian called. "I imagine floating would be easier than standing. Let your body relax. Weightlessness may be your friend right now."

"Are you saying I weigh a lot?" Alex joked.

Dorian sighed again. "You're a hulking mass of muscle, Alexander, and you know it. Just get in the water."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I just don't, alright?"

Dorian paused, a little thought tickling his brain, and when he turned around again he looked at Alex in full view. And oh it was a nice view. But. "Alex. Can you swim?"

Alex turned over his shoulder to look at Dorian as he stared. "Do you mind?" Alex snapped.

Dorian raised a brow. "I've seen you naked as a babe before, Alex. Answer my question."

Alex turned away. "What question," he grumbled, letting the water wet his head again.

"Can. You. Swim?" Dorian mused.

Alex groaned. "No, I cannot swim. Alright?"

Dorian laughed. "Really? Even  _I_ can swim, and I hate water most of the time."

"Good for you," Alex retorted, and he threw Dorian an annoyed glance only to nearly slip once more.

"Such a stubborn shit you are," Dorian said, rolling his eyes and walking off.

Alex watched him disappear with curious eyes. "What are you doing?" Alex called, but a sharp sound and a bright light suddenly filled the cave, and Alex blinked as Dorian walked back in. "What was that?"

Dorian leaned his staff against the wall, and in his hand he had a little bag which he threw over by Alex. "I set up wards," Dorian explained, taking off his boots. When his bare foot hit the rocks he gave a mock shiver. "Still too cold for my liking," he said, pulling off his other boot.

Alexander was smiling but his voice sounded scolding. "What are you  _doing_?"

"Well I can't let you have  _all_ the fun!" Dorian defended, and in an instant he was shirtless, throwing his robe and his fancy leathers off on a somewhat dry patch. Alex immediately eyed Dorian up and down, and Dorian cleared his throat. "Eye contact is key, Lord Trevelyan."

"Shut up," Alex said, turning away and blushing. He forced himself to keep his eyes away from Dorian, even as he knew the other man was undressing behind him.

"Aah," Dorian cooed. "I am irrationally excited for this." Before Alex could turn back around and ask what Dorian was so interested in, the sound of a rather large splash echoed in the little cavern, and Alex laughed as he guessed Dorian must have leapt into the water. Alex was still chuckling when Dorian came up, taking in a breath and whipping his hair away from his face. He looked different soaked, both a little funny and a little  _gorgeous_.

"Oooh that is  _too_ nice," Dorian sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back a bit. His arms seemed to be keeping him afloat, and Alex watched Dorian's motions in almost a jealous manner. Dorian wiped water from his face and gave a little sniffle. "It's actually not too deep. I don't think I can touch bottom but," he swam forward gracefully, "there's a little ledge here." Dorian put his arms on the ledge and held one hand out to Alex. "Come. I'll help you in."

"No," Alex complained. "I'm still not getting in, even though you couldn't resist the temptation."

"I can't resist the idea of you in the water with me," Dorian purred. "So come on. Step down here, look, there's a perfect little step. I won't let you drown."

Dorian gave Alex such a sweet smile, such an eager smile, that it made Alex's embarrassments float away a bit. Dorian looked strange in the water, as if he wasn't supposed to ever be wet. Like a cat or a dog after a fresh bath. Only Dorian seemed perfectly at ease in the warm water. With his hair swept back and his usually perfect moustache a little askew, he still smiled without a care. Alex ran his hand through his hair, plastering it back and away from his eyes, and he conceded.

Carefully Alex stepped down, wobbling a bit at first, but Dorian moved up to the slight ledge in order to help Alex in. He practically fell, but Alex kept his head up like even slightly going under meant death. It made Dorian chuckle, but soon Dorian was sitting half submerged on the ledge and helping Alex float on his back. And Alex had to admit that it was blissful.

He did feel weightless, even though it was tricky to keep his legs from sinking low, but the fact that he couldn't swim, that he was injured, and that he was on display for Dorian didn't seem to bother him. Dorian had Alex lean back into him a bit, keeping him afloat, and Dorian absentmindedly ran his hands through the water and then through Alex's hair, warming him with every touch.

"This is nice," Alex said softly after a little silence had passed.

"Mm," Dorian hummed, his fingers going through Alex's hair again. "I brought a few things in case you wanted a wash," Dorian went on. "And I thought perhaps I could trim your horribly unruly hair."

"Do not touch my hair," Alex said sternly, though his eyes were closed and his lips were softly smiling.

Dorian laughed. "Yes my Lord, I shan't pluck a strand."

Alex reached back and tried to playfully swat Dorian, but he dodged the blow and they both gave a light laugh. "Thank you for all your kindness," Alex said sweetly.

"I think you're cheering up a bit," Dorian said with a smile, letting his hands drape across Alexander's chest as he floated before him.

"Maybe," Alex said. "If I could just stay here I might be perfectly happy."

Dorian smiled. "I can't argue with that. I haven't felt warm in months, I swear." He turned over his shoulder and reached for the little bag, opening up the drawstring and taking out a small glass vial.

Alex heard it clink and he opened his eyes, craning his head back slightly to spy on Dorian's actions. "Now what?"

Dorian spoke so casually. "I'm going to wash your hair."

Alexander laughed. "What? Why?"

"Because," Dorian said simply, pouring out some of the liquid from the vial into his hands. He rubbed them together and jutted his chin out at Alex. "Turn your head back around. C'mon, it will relax you."

Alex did as he was told but he scoffed. "I don't know that I can get anymore relaxed." Dorian put his hands into Alex's hair and Alex hissed. "Ah, it's cold!"

Dorian chuckled. "It hasn't had the privilege of a hot spring to warm it up," he joked. "It will warm up though."

Alex took a slow, deep breath and let Dorian's fingers work magic. It did feel absolutely exquisite, if not a little odd. And overly intimate for Dorian, Alex felt. All the walls or all the cautious borders Alex had ever felt radiating off Dorian seemed to have dropped here, as if the warm water not only melted the snow but also melted Dorian's composure. Alex had gotten under Dorian's skin already, making him feel like he deserved a medal, but here in the warm water with Dorian's fingers in his hair, doing something so domestic as washing it...

"This feels very comfortable," Alex said gently, almost curiously.

"Comfortable?" Dorian echoed, washing off his hands in the water and bringing handfulls of it into Alex's hair once more. Alex could smell the strange, flowery perfume of whatever Dorian was rinsing out, and it too created a soothing atmosphere.

"Yes, comfortable," Alex said. "I feel like maybe it should feel odd, having my hair washed by someone. Especially you. But it doesn't, it feels comfortable. I haven't had someone else wash my hair since I was a child."

"And I bet back then it was done with a good amount of complaint from you," Dorian teased, but Alex thought he heard something break in his voice a bit, a slight nervous waiver. "Or a lot of yelling," Dorian added.

Alex gave a little chuckle. "I was yelled at a lot. I wasn't a rebel, and I didn't get in trouble exactly. I was just often scolded or told to come inside or..." Alex drifted off and Dorian didn't press the memories. They just floated there for a while, Dorian washing out whatever elixir he'd put in Alex's hair, and Alex blinking up at the damp ceiling of the cave as the waterfall splashed behind them.

Alex licked his lips. "Do you know what I remember most about it all?"

"About what?" Dorian asked. His voice was soft. He almost sounded sleepy, and Alex wondered if the water relaxed Dorian as much as it had relaxed himself.

"About getting hurt," Alex said. "About getting hit."

"I imagine you remember the sight of a monstrous man swinging a giant maul at you," Dorian joked.

Alex smiled slightly. "I remember that too, but it isn't what I remember most."

"What then?" Dorian asked almost indifferently.

"You," Alex said, "yelling my name." He felt Dorian's hands slow down. "People yelled at me all the time as a child, but the way they said my name was always harsh or scolding. My nan would yell at me for being messy or for staying outside too long, and my parents would yell over my etiquette. My brother would yell if I was doing something wrong, or if I was bothering him. But I can't think of a time where anyone, anyone at all, yelled my name with as much lo-"

"No don't," Dorian interrupted.

Alex stopped, blinked, and blanched. "Don't what?" he almost whispered.

"Don't say it."

Alex felt his chest tighten, and Dorian's fingers had come to a full stop. Eventually, they retracted from Alex's hair altogether. "I'm sorry," Alex breathed.

"No, it's not...I don't mean to sound like I...like you shouldn't feel..." Dorian stopped rambling and sighed.

Alex tried to smile lightly. "Left you speechless again?" he said.

Dorian gave a breathy chuckle that sounded a little too tense. "I don't know how to even  _begin_ to explain myself." Alex craned his head back but Dorian almost playfully pushed him back. "No, don't look at me, that may make it harder."

Alex gave a soft laugh and waited, floating in the warm water, letting Dorian keep him up with his own limbs. His heart was beating far too fast for the composure on his face, but he just waited. He would always wait for anything Dorian needed him to hold off on.

At last, Dorian swallowed hard and sighed. "I don't want you to say it when I can't," he finally explained. "I've struggled with this for the past few days already. It's not coming easily to me." Dorian took another deep breath, paused, and went on. "I fell for you far too hard, far too fast, and I don't want a near death experience to ruin something that may be the only  _real_ thing I've...The only real feeling I've ever truly had for someone."

Alex exhaled a breath that he felt like he'd been holding. "That's eloquently put," he said softly. "You  _have_ been thinking about this."

"Ugh, you have no idea," Dorian complained.

Alex chuckled. "There are ways of saying it without speaking, you know," he coaxed.

Dorian hesitated, but when he spoke again his voice was close to Alex's ear. "I just washed your hair, Alex. Do you think I would do that for anyone?"

"No," Alex said with a brilliant smile. He gulped. "Can I look at you yet?"

Dorian laughed. "Yes."

Cautiously, Alex turned around and used Dorian's knees to brace himself and keep him afloat. Grinning like a fool, and most likely blushing, he smiled at Dorian as the man continued to chuckle. "Don't get syrupy," Dorian warned, but it only made Alex smile wider. He leaned up, and Dorian leaned down, and Alex kissed him so deeply that their bodies somehow managed to press together even in their awkward position.

The fact that their skin was damp was a new sensation Alex wanted to memorize. He slid into Dorian so easily, so eagerly, and one soft kiss melted into another. The water rippled at every soft motion, and the waterfall almost seemed to fade into the background.

Alex pulled back at last and pressed his forehead to Dorian's chin softly. "Do you want to say it first then?" he asked quietly.

"Do you already want to say it?" Dorian breathed.

Alex have a slight shrug. "I don't know."

"Then don't," Dorian said, wrapping his arms around Alex's shoulders gently as Alex knelt on the little ledge between Dorian's legs. He rested his chin on top of Alex's head. "Say it when you're sure."

"Like you'll be doing?" Alex asked.

"Exactly."

Alex pulled back and Dorian lifted his head, letting Alex look him square in the eyes. "In the meantime," Alex purred, "I'll just say I like you very, very much."

Dorian blossomed into a grin. "I like that," he said. "And you."

"Even though you tease me?" Alex asked playfully.

Dorian ran his hand through Alex's damp hair. "Darling, it's  _because_ I tease you that you know."

"Then by all means, continue to demean me," Alex joked. "Now that I know that's how you show it, I won't get so angry."

Dorian laughed. "Ah, I should never have revealed my secrets." Alexander chuckled and Dorian eyed his bruised shoulder. "How does it feel?"

Alex blinked and looked at his own shoulder as if he'd forgotten he even had shoulders. He gave it a tentative roll, only feeling a tiny pang of stiffness. He looked back at Dorian like a happy little boy. "It feels better, actually," he said, eying Dorian through his lashes. "I feel a lot stronger."

Dorian gave Alex a crooked grin. He watched Alex test out his arm, his ribs, his shoulder once again, and the brightness that hit Alex's face was familiar. At last, Alex seemed to be back to his old self, letting the weakness wash off in the hot spring's water. It made Dorian happy to watch Alex revel in the return of his strength.

And Dorian realized that he felt stronger too.


End file.
